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#61719 - 05/22/01 05:12 PM Help, please

I'm 18 years old. I've known my boyfriend my whole life, and we've been a couple for a little over 10 months now. He's 20, and he told me about a month ago that he was molested as a child. It started when he was 5 or 6, and it continued until he was 11 or 12. He can't really remember. I want to help him deal with this, but I don't know how. We talk about it sometimes, and he says that helps, but I really think he needs to see someone professional. He doesn't know if he wants to talk to someone else because I'm the only person he's ever told, and he can't really afford it. What should I do?

#61720 - 05/22/01 07:28 PM Re: Help, please

I recently found out my boyfriend had been abused too. i know it feels like the end of the world and that you just want to cry whenever you think about it.
I couldn't sleep for ages after and had to stay up real late just to get 5 minutes sleep.
This is possible to get through, if you want we can talk about it. The only people i have told is this site too. So it's completely confidential.
There are free counselling services for all sorts of things. the reason i know this is because i used to go to one (for a completely unrelated incident).
LOve and hugs

#61721 - 05/22/01 08:04 PM Re: Help, please

Please encourage him to get help. I might not be the best person to give you this advice since my boyfriend just told me he was abused too and for a while I didn't know what to do, but I do know that this is very hard to deal with and the only effective way to do it is through someone who knows how to deal with this situation (a professional). :rolleyes:

#61722 - 05/22/01 09:48 PM Re: Help, please
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California

ne thing you could do for him is just try and make it safe for him to talk about with you, that means a lot of listening on your part, no judgements of him, reinforcing for him that what happened was wrong and a terrible thing for him or anyone else to go through, reassuring him that he was just a little boy and it was not his fault, there were people around that were supposed to be protecting him and they all failed him in this area, and most of all let him know that you care and your not going anywhere.

As far as proffesional help goes, you might check with your local medical center to see if they have any low cost or free out patient counseling services, they may very well have some, the only problem i have ever had with those type of things is the therapists tend to be not very experienced and while 99% of the they will not knowingly hurt him, they may not have the experience to help him as much as a more experienced therapist might, but he will get some help working his way through it.

He could also come here and just talk some about it and how he is feeling about things, lots of good people here.

I wish you the best of luck with it all!


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

#61723 - 05/24/01 11:04 AM Re: Help, please

Let's start by counting your blessings. First is that he trusted you enough to share this with you. Second is that you love and care for him enough to want better for him.

The best thing that I can tell you is that you need to constantly assure him that he deserves better then this. The next thing is that unless he breaks free of this the abuser is always going to have power in his life, regardless if the abuse is still happening or not. He was made to feel like he did something to deserve this, and that simply is not true.

If he won't go to counseling, which is not unusual, the best thing that I can suggest is that you get Dr. Phil McGraw's book, Life Strategies, which is now in paper back. He deals with how to break free. I think that you will find it most helpful. Remember though, he has to want to get better, and you can only be the catalyst to change.


#61724 - 05/24/01 03:12 PM Re: Help, please
thunderbolt Offline

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
go to the local or biggest library you know and get some or at least read all the books you can on the subject and or research they have this will get you the help you will need in understanding him and the abuse, he should find a counciler or therapy. good luck and happy hunting


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