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#61426 - 04/16/06 03:58 AM Re: Our first therapy appt together
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
when I was in therapy the option for my wife to attend as well was always there, but neither of us felt it was right for us, and we did discuss it a lot.

For me it was the feeling that having her witness my descritions of my abuse would in someway cause her to 'assume' some of the guilt and shame that I was trying so hard to escape.
To this day I have never told her details of my abuse, or my acting out as an adult. She know's what happened, as in what kind of sex acts went on, but not in as much detail that I shared with my therapist. Neither of us thought that she would benefit herself, or understand my situation any better if she knew the details.

Since then I've begun to work for the charity that provided my therapy and done most of the training to become a counsellor, and although I'm no expert I read and research a lot.
A good therapist will (usually) lead, not ask, the client. They provide the safe environment where the client can, when they're ready, disclose and deal with anything that comes up. So the 'deep stuff' can come up anytime the client feels safe and confident.
Personally I would try to avoid that happening when the clients partner was with them, for the client it presents another level of concern - "what will my partner think if I say xxxxxx?" and that can lead to them changing their minds and not disclosing fully ( at that time maybe ? )
If they are alone with the therapist then they should ( hopefully ) feel able to disclose virtually anything without fear of judgement, and that's a good place to test the waters.
I disclosed more ( but not the full sordid details ) to my wife after I'd tested my thoughts in therapy. That way I felt I could offer the complete, or at least a better, explanation to my wife, which I generally did.

I'm not saying don't continue as you are, or that the therapist is wrong, they all work in their own ways.
All I'm offering is another view.

Take care

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#61427 - 04/19/06 08:27 PM Re: Our first therapy appt together

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Hi Daneelyn

I terms of therapist expertise I have the princely experience of 2 that I've seen myself and 2 that my partner has seen and 2 that we've seen together. In other words NOT A LOT!

I quite like to be guided and want to know that whomever I'm with is going to lead me along a path with as few bombs on it as possible. I also toyed heavily with having my partner along with me when I talked about abuse issues of my own.. somehow I thought I'd feel safer, as it was I didn't do that but I thought very hard about it. I've also told him more than I've told anyone else.

My partner is adamant that he is the architect of his own recoverery and in that sense if he's happy and feels its making him feel better he just wouldn't listen to any detractors, even if they said it was all wrong.

I wonder if theres a good dollop of whatever works for you.. or him.. in all of this, particularly with survivors. We are all so different.

Also its not set in tablets of stone.. he may change his mind about the approach in time even if it works for him now.

Good luck


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