I know its been a long time since I have joined into any discussion -- but I have and do try to read and support as best as possible in my own way.
I'm irked -- not so angry, or pissed off just irked....
A couple things - hubby is not active in his Therapy of any sort now for several months. As a refresher he's a piler... piles on so much shit to do he leaves no time to work on his own self , tho he much deserves it.
Oh he's been freaking spider man, batman, and the damn Green Goblin himself a lot lately -- and I have been just keepin my big fat mouth shut until this past week.
I am at a total freaking standstill here -- not to mention I am having a hard enuff time with my own T sessions about my own crap and including how hubbys crap is effecting my crap (lots of crap eh?)
Hubby had said in the past he would not return to his support grp for sex addicts due to an admitted pedophile in the grp who refused to take responsibility for his actions -- We talked, he talked with his sponsor, He talked with his T, & basic conclusion he did not need to return if he could not feel safe -- I wholely (sp) supported this. If I remember correctly he did go see his private T a couple times following then he piled on FT work, FT school, FT blah blah blah shit... so he could avoid doing a damn thing about anything. Somewhere in there after christmas he visited his so called mother, gave him some time it was tuff for him, I supported as best as I could -- no i stopped a long time ago about suggesting to try such and such or the shoulds, woulds, demands etc...
Recently the youngest daugh moving back home from college & we took in 2 homeless kiddos, one female that is deaf short term to assist them to get into agency's for help to become self sustaining.
He was doing good with addiction maintenance -- but no group... his choice i understood. His sponsor stopped calling & cking in on him --- thot this was proper hubby has to be responsible not babysat by anyone.
Hanging out one night yakking with kiddos I catch hubby doing the damn pervert stare at our temp daugh butt.... I wanted to jump up at that time and slap the dog shit out of him.....
waited until alone & my voice calm approached what I had seen and what I percieved ... he instantly reverted to old self denial and accusations of its all in my head blah bhlah shit...
waited a few days brought subject up yet again -- as i was not going to fight him -- he was more agreeable and able to talk --
i simply said, look i know you have addiction i dont hold this against you, no blame, but I am going to hold you accountable in this house if you are not going to make efforts to work the 12 steps, and or see your T ... and I am here to support not criticise. If this girl is not safe in this house I will make a place elsewhere for her to be safe. I also said that all aside i didnt really give a flying fuck whether he was bothered by a pedo in his grp for sex addicts or not he was there for himself, if he had a problem with it face, talk it , or just ignore it but he better get his ass in T again or he was headed down the path of hell again for potential of perping. (btw, the cops around here now show up unannounced at a listed sex offender addy to see if they truly live there! YAY for our COPS!)
I wanted to puke my fucking guts out seeing him do that god damn fucking perv stare i dont know how i held it together to not attack the shit out of him at that time .. God I geuss?
AnywaY THru our later talks he agreed he is going to contact his T and sched. appts for his only time off -- mon. AM's --- I did not give him time limit to do it , or a either or .... malybe i did give an eith4er or? I did tell him that if he refused or failed to seek help in a reasonable time I was going to clean out the house of everything i wanted, sign the divorce papers and make sure i never saw him again ----
ok maybe i am more than irkded?
the young deaf girl is here only another week or so then into her own place -- and she s never alone with him ,,, mostly cuz he's too busy playiang fucking super star overload avoidance by being too busy....
basically i feel like our relationship has hit a stalemate, he has made some minor improvments by being activ in callnig my docs when i am not well (had a nother stroke)
i have no emotional drive of anything toward him, my T says it may never come back --- shit tht was depresing as hell to hear? its like i doitn give a shit if i hear from him or not or see him or not... 17 plus yrs with him and this is th e end result.... thats sad as shit i think
in the mean time i /we foun dout that a known family perp is due for release from prison in a week or so..... a lot of sibling confrontation going on with parents -- dad first, without mom, mom is soft and stilll or has forgiven this perp her bro, as she is survivor as well as perp from their dad (gpa)-- then mom confronted she felt very betrayed but all the kiddos have laid out ground rules perp is not allowed at house or no grand kids .... end of subject.. mom felt betrayed big discussion but no one could trust mom to turn perp away if he showed up while she had grand kids.... perp has tried all apologies t each victim... none accepted, his own son went on to perp also .... fucking generation after generation...
so ground rules were laid out, if perp ends up living in area, peace bonds are taken out to keep him away from us --- dad is supportive , but stunned claims he had no idea his own kiddos had been perped (btw this is another one of my foster families)....
its a damn jumbled mess, the girls are all in various stages of healing or acting in or out at any given time...
and then my hubby-- he can be so god damn calm coolcollected with advice, support etc --- and fails to apply any of it to himself
i'm ready to jump from the bridge no shit... to tell them all to shut the fuck kup i cant stand to hear any more about any more sexual abuse.... i try to keep it in its place so it does not spill over into my daily existence so that i can still function on some level
but someone has failed to flush the toilet lately and the shit is smelling
i know i cant tell hubby what to do, i cant influence much with perp being released
but i know i need to get the fuck away from thinking anything about this shit for awhile and every where i turn there it is
i geuss i just needed a place to vent? -- my adoped dad one fo my long term perps his dad just died... and i got the poop on why he hated his own father so much and probaby why he too went on to perp... no big surprise there huh?
generation after generation ... i can count 3 generations, if an i think i heard this some where one time -- if a perp is caught for one act of sex abuse that perp has or had gotten away with about 300 acts prior to being caught
i cant even do the math of the magnatude in just my family alone.......
and if i caught hubby doing the perv stare once, then has he done is 300and one times prior?
i'm fed up to the ears of old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in