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#61188 - 12/25/00 03:26 PM My boyfriend
margie Offline

Registered: 12/24/00
Posts: 2
Loc: anaheim, california, united st...
I am a twenty five year old female dating a thirty year old male. We have been dating off and on for almost eight months. I am concerned about my boyfriends lack of desire to be intimate with me. When I first started dating him he wanted to have sex all the time. I always denied it. Once we finally did have sex it took him an entire month to initiate it again. As I recall I had to mention it to him. In the beginning of our relationship we would french kiss, but now it as though we do nothing that could possibly lead to sex. My boyfriend seems to prefer oral sex over intercourse. He does kiss me on my cheeks or lips and will hold me when we are laying down together but that is as sexual as our relationship goes. A few months ago he was erect and was pushing up against me but right when I went to touch him he pushed my hand away. It just made me feel really self conscious and I could not help but take it personally. Now I am afraid to even touch him at all. I don't want to be rejected. Another time he refused to french kiss me when I was going to kiss him good-bye. I am feeling very unattractive as a women. He always wants me to baby him, make him dinner, tickle and massage his back and neck. The entire time I have been with him he has only tickled my back once. I don't know what to think. Is he selfish? could he have been molested? It just seems anything that could bring us close together he pushes away from it. He doesn't even like to hold hands. I just feel very unattactive and undesired. I brought this up to him last night and he got angry with me. I asked if maybe he is bisexual and he said no. I told him how other guys at least want to hold my hands and kiss me. In addition, I said how it made me sad that he never wanted to touch me. He told me not to take it personal but he has a low sex drive. THis comment confused me because he said two weeks prior to our discussion last night that he was a total sex maniac in his last relationship and the girl denied him all the time. I reminded him of this and he said well maybe I am just not as sexual as I said and I was a lot younger back than. I asked him if he had her back in his life would he respond the same way to her as he does me and he said yes. For the past three years my friend has been experincing sleeping difficulties. A couple weeks ago he was diagnosed as having a mild form of narcolepsy. He also mentioned the drugs he is experiencing with right now cause him to have a even lower sex drive plus he is constantly tired. This is fine but why does he want me to do all these things to him? Wouldn't he be too tired to stay awake? I don't want to be insensitive and I want to be supportive does any one have any suggestions of what I can do as a partner? Or am I waisting my time?

#61189 - 12/28/00 05:29 PM Re: My boyfriend
Shelby Offline

Registered: 11/27/00
Posts: 36
Loc: Littleton,CO USA
I am experiencing the same thing in my marriage right now. When my husband and I first started dating he was very sexual and very romantic, then somewhere along the way all of this stopped, now I am lucky if we have it once a month. A couple of months ago he admitted to me that he was sexually abused as a young teen-ager and that could be a reason why things are happening the way they are, but just because your boyfriend is acting that way doesn't mean he was abused. But whatever the case, don't let his actions hurt your self esteem, when this all started happening with me I was wondering what's wrong with me, but there is nothing wrong with you or me, they have the issues that they need to deal with, and don't let him make you feel bad in the process.

Good luck


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