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#60899 - 03/28/06 04:18 AM Re: Is there something I can say???
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

My biggest concern is that if it was a family member that is still in the picture, I would like to be aware of that.
That's of course one of the most terrifying and shameful things for a survivor to talk about. A young boy wants his world to make sense, but what sense is he to make of a world in which he is abused at will, for example, by his father, mother, uncle, or big brother? He will often fear that all this was his own fault, and the catastrophic results of this feeling reverberate on into adulthood.

You are right to feel that this possibility would require special compassion and caring on your part, but if there is anything like that in the picture it will be all the more difficult for him to talk about it.

It's one of the most terrible tragedies of child sexual abuse: the more we need help the less willing and able we seem to be to ask for it.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#60900 - 03/30/06 10:25 AM Re: Is there something I can say???
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA

I understand your reluctance not to get your friends and family involved in your marital problems, and of course it wouldn't be right for you to disclose his abuse to anyone until he felt okay with that...

But it seems like a huge additional burden to you, that you should have to deal with everything on your own just in case things get awkward later.

Do you think he would be able to understand this? Is there one person close to you that he would trust you to talk with?

#60901 - 03/30/06 09:30 PM Re: Is there something I can say???
clemente Offline

Registered: 03/15/06
Posts: 32
Loc: Eastern US

I understand the concern for your husband's privacy. Also, trust is such a huge issue for him that you don't want to betray that by talking to someone else. I felt in the same situation and so I started to see a therapist--I just needed someone else to share this with or I was going to explode. This board serves a similar purpose, but there is nothing like having a real person to sit and help you process.


"Time is the currency of love..."

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