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#143774 - 03/02/07 05:39 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: Barney]
selene Offline

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

#143865 - 03/03/07 05:21 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: selene]
AshSurvived Offline

Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Australia
I wanted to add something, because now I have a different perspective, rather I am gaining a different perspective, on acting out.

I have been acting out for about 10 years in the sense of reliving my abuse constantly. It was because I accepted myself as a pervert and decided I ought to stop supressing my 'natural' urges and just do what comes 'naturally'. Only the past few days have I been reading about Bondage and Survivors and realised the impact of my actions. I have stopped dead as of 4 days ago. Stopped going to bondage sites, stopped fantasising, the lot. I can't say it's over and gone from my system, but now that I realise I have totally fucked up my life by acting out and 'accepting', myself I am scared to even give an inch back to my abusers, shit-scared.

Acting out all the time has kept me locked in the cycle of abuse, has kept me a little hurt boy. I mean quite literally: I look like a little hurt boy when I act out, my body tenses and shape-shifts and my entire demeanour changes; my wife has witnessed it many times.

Now I am trying my best to understand all the physical and emotional changes that take place when I feel the urge to act out... and I try to come to this site or the chat and deal with those feelings in some way, and try to feel some positive vibes instead of wanting to hurt and humiliate myself.

I have also realised that when my wife tries to be intimate and I act 'childish', I'm not acting, I AM a child, the further it goes, the further I regress, and that scares me too. As you can see, the seriousness of all this has come crashing down on me this week thick and fast and really shocked me into awareness.

"It's your world Dave, I'm just livin' in it"

- Harvey Pekar to David Letterman
(American Splendour)

#143897 - 03/03/07 01:50 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: AshSurvived]
beccy Offline

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Hi Ash,

that's a real hurdle it sounds like you've jumped over! Be gentle with yourself......and try not to judge any of the acting out you have done. You don't deserve to feel any shame about any of it, and it's my personal opinion, that it's ok to acknowledge any enjoyment you did get from it for what it was at that time. You are beginning to move away from that now and that's good a good thing, as you sound ready for that change.

The 'childlike' behaviour you mention, both my bf and myself have had too. I've acted out within that too, though he hasn't(at least not with me). I actually only came to realise that's what it was about a month ago and it shocked me too. These things are SO complicated aren't they? To me, it has felt scarey and I've not been sure of who I am without that. But at least it's movement. I believe it's a step in the right direction of reclaiming personal power? But still important to remind yourself that it's ok if you enjoyed parts of the other things you did.



#144026 - 03/04/07 10:52 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: roadrunner]
pnaanp Offline

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 1
Eloquently put Larry. Thank you for sharing your perspective. You stated that in a way I could really understand and identify with.

#144694 - 03/09/07 11:27 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: pnaanp]
GWsurvives Offline

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
I don't have much to add here as I am stuck in the middle of this same thing.
What I would like to do is give a BIG THANK YOU to the partners of survivors that continue to try and understand their partners struggles.
Just please remember, we are even more confused than you are about our own actions.

Thank you!

"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

#264178 - 11/28/08 04:54 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: GWsurvives]
Kathryn Offline

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303

Just wanted to bump this up because this was one of the best exchanges on acting out, thanks to Lloydy and the little mushroom guy.... can't think of the name....


#264212 - 11/28/08 08:48 PM Re: Acting Out [Re: Kathryn]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington
Thank you for bumping this Kathryn,

To much for me to digest in one setting, now I have it in (my stuff).


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#331877 - 05/24/10 04:35 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: 1islandboy]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986
I figured I'd bump this up again as well. I haven't been able to read the whole thing, but what I have read makes a lot of sense when I look at some things that have gone on in my life. Underlying so much seems to be a sense of zero self-worth and an attitude that doesn't really care. Not all the time, but often enough to lead to unhealthy behaviors. I don't want that anymore.


#331886 - 05/24/10 06:26 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: ericc]
Charlie24 Offline

Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562

I like what you had to say. I too haven't read the entire post, but I know I've acted out. I've acted out and am ashamed for acting out.

I hated the mindset I got into from my abuser and from my family members that I was some kind of subordinate that is there to serve people and be a fucking doormat.

That is why I finally have learned how to cut people out of my life.

I've also learned that WHAT I WANT for ME is the god damn most important fucking thing in my life. Not what other fucking people think they want me to be or for me.

This is me taking the fucking power back from my abusers and taking it into my fucking HANDs and holding it.

This feels so damn good to be assertive in my life.


#334381 - 06/22/10 06:11 AM Re: Acting Out [Re: Charlie24]
givemestrength Offline

Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 29
Hi everyone,
I haven't been on here for a long time but this is the single mosy powerful and helpful thread I have read...perhaps timing is the key as I have recently "caught" my husband acting out on the internet after a long period of him disengaging (poor choice of word I know but thats all i got right now) from such activity.

Every time it feels like the first time and we are now putting measures in place so hopefully it will not happen again...I am the most deflated but also the most hopeful I think I have been...anyway this is a story for my own thread but just wanted to say to all those who have participated in this thread thankyou! You have reminded me of things that are too easy to forget and clarified others. Particularly Hopeful wife and walking south ...your words really spoke to me so thanks...

*sigh* this is such a hard road but as long as you don't lose yourself in the process I believe, for me atleast, it's worth it.

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