I am so sorry for the long silence. It was difficult to keep in touch through very hard times. I got to find out about the horrible malicious gossips that were thrown about me in the last few months. They came out in the open at the end of that last month: I was accused of recruiting survivors for a sect. I was devastated by the psychological violence and evil of the two people involved in spreading these gossips. I got to understand that V has been fed with these nonsense since January so I understand better why he suddenly got so paranoied. He is still socializing with these evil women and he has lost his sense, his intelligence, his capacity to express criticism. It's horrible to be trapped in these gossips when it's impossible to reply. Luckily some friends of mine (who know the two girls involved) have been very supportive and they knew what some of the evil they had done before. So all together, we managed to stop this craziness. I threatenend also to take them to court and apparently that has put pressure so they dropped the gossips.
I really hope V. will eventuely open his eyes and really see people as they truly are. I was devastated by the whole thing and it took me days to recover. V still would not want to speak with me. He is convinced by these insanities.
I have gone through major changes and progress during that time. The main thing was that I decided that I was not a victim anymore so I did not have to behave for the rest of my life like one. That raised a lot of questions about finding the balance betwwen being a survivor and a therapist. I also realized for the first time in my life who I really was, with my limitations and I had to accept that I could not change what people thought of me for example. That gave me a sense of borders, limits. I accepted also that though I believe V. is doing stupid things with his life, it is HIS life and I am happy that for the first time he is making decision for himself. He is standing up for himself, even if I am the one paying a heavy price for that. I also feel I am enjoying life much more these days. I surprised myself laughing on several occasions.That feels good !
I am just back from Mike Lew's "Healing the healers" in North Yorkshire. I am so grateful I managed to attend this incredible event. Healers (a lot were survivors too) came from Australia, New Zealand, the US, Switzerland, Japan, Ireland, Norway and Great Britain. It was fantastic, powerful too. So many good people who have dedicated their lives to helping survivors.
It gave me a lot of hope and strength. I have been offered my first real job as an art therapist to work with survivors. It will be a day workshop but I feel so grateful for the trust I was given. I have been particularly moved by the fact that malesurvivors organizations exist, and I was lucky to meet incredible courageous guy. I felt for the first time V's loneliness and despair. It's difficult to explain why it happen then at that workshop. He was in my heart all that week end. I trully wished he would be there and meet all the wonderful people that were there, including Mike Lew. We have all decided to create a network of support across the world and that's fantastic !
I will talk more later. I really apologize for the silence, especially to Kolisha and Theo.
I have problems with internet and phone since I am on restricted lines !
love and hugs to you all
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !