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#60341 - 02/26/06 09:18 AM Understanding our Survivors
chase-keith Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/17/05
Posts: 8
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Could anyone enlighten me your thoughts on what may go on inside a
survivors mind? any thoughts...whats goes on inside they dont wanna
share? My partner is a Survivor who is healing. I know he has
thoughts that go on inside his mind. When I ask him to share the reply
I get is "I dont have to share". Yes it hurts because I truly desire
to understand and continue to have the right safe home healing


#60342 - 02/26/06 11:28 AM Re: Understanding our Survivors
lostcowboy Offline

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 798
Loc: Rhode Island
Hi Keith, I don't know any of the details of what happened to your partner. But he probably thinks of himself as dog shit. He is probably amazed that you saw anything in him. He is absolutely sure that once you know what happened, you will not want to be with him any more. Right now, you don't know the details, and you think he is someone worth being with, but he knows that if you knew the details, you would also think that he is dog shit and leave. That is it in a nutshell. That is only one of the negative thoughts he is having.

I will never ever tell any of my loved ones about what happened to me in detail. I was able to put it on here, only because if I should meet one of you in real life, you will not know that I am the Lostcowboy.

PS: for your reading pleasure, Male Rape, Facts about Men and Rape

Take care,

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

#60343 - 02/27/06 06:03 AM Re: Understanding our Survivors
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
'Cowboy has it just about right - we think ( wrongly ) that we are 'dog shit', and it takes a lot of work to shift that false identity and replace it with a good, rational, sense of self esteem and worth.

Many of us also think that the sordid details are best left exactly whey they are - in our heads.
And that's also right to a degree, but eventually we do need to process those sordid details, and hopefully make some kind of sense out of them.
But it's something best done in therapy with someone who has no attachments and the right training. Nothing I said to my therapist appeared, to me, to shock or disgust him. But I now know that therapist go to supervivsion and case studies with other more qualified and experienced therapists where they 'unload' all the crap we lay on them. And it works.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau


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