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#60092 - 02/09/06 01:22 AM Keeping in touch

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Hi all

I've not been around of late, largely because I've been concentrating on me! which I'm pleased about, and also my partner has been making still more healing strides himslef.

For a while we were a bit like ships sailing alongside each other but not quite touching but we are now communicating... really comunicating!!! When I first came to this wonderful place called Male Survivor I was desperately hurt, confused, angry and wanted to know WHY? a reminder, my partner had just disclosed CSA and years of secret anonomous sex with men.

Several months later, after a LOT of learning, some healing myself, several brill Therapists and incalculable support from people on this site we are closer than I ever imagined possible.

We have easily as much joy and peace as we do fear and darkness and have actually set a date for our wedding (I don't know how to add those emoticons but I can tell you there are lots of them here and they are all grinning madly through happy tears)

We are so happy about that and the reaction from the many people who realy love us has been fantastic.

We are still healing and we are still learning but we've learnt something thats really important to us.

Life doesn't wait until you've healed, it moves on and we have decided that we are going to move with it holding hands and healing on the way.

He might zone out on the day and miss the party but hey!! he might always zone out at something so hugely emotional and we don't wanna wait until he's ninety to find out.

I'm so proud of us and I know and accept we /I am on a jouney. A survivors journey. I hope to get more time to post here soon but in the meantime I know you guys will understand...he's waited 34 years to be able to lift his head up and embrace life and I want to be there with him.

Love to you all and big hugs for Larry, Trish, Dave and everyone else too numerous to mention who've been a friend to us.


#60093 - 02/09/06 01:41 AM Re: Keeping in touch
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Wow! What great news. I am so happy for you. You have come along so far and so quickly.

And you are so right. Life doesn't stop while we sort things out. I am so glad that you two are still together and feel this big step is right for you.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#60094 - 02/09/06 02:13 AM Re: Keeping in touch
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey

The happiness in your post is almost overwhelming - I'm jealous, not in a mean, green eyed monster kind of way - just wishing I was there. I am so happy that you and your guy are celebrating your lives and wish you nothing but joy forever.

Be sure to let us know when the wedding is and we'll have a cyber celebration. \:D

ROCK ON........Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

#60095 - 02/09/06 02:42 AM Re: Keeping in touch

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Thanks you two,

Larry, you are right that this is a big step, we FEEL (word not used lightly :-)) that its really right for us.

We have lived together for nearly 10 years now and with help from our couples therapy we've realised that two main things have stopped us getting maried earlier is lack of belief in ourselves and our fear of intimacy (two things that kept him acting out and me accepting some c**p in our relationship actualy).
Whilst ever we were not married we thought we had an out!! I realise I had my part to play in this also.... It feels like we have known this was right for a long time but were too scared to actually do it.. As we're getting a handle on the fear it just seems so damn obvious now especially as neither of us wants that out any more.

I feel incredibly lucky Trish. I really don't take for granted the fact that we have been so fortunate to find such excellant life affirming therapists and that we've given each other the space, love and support to do our own work on this jouney. I feel like I'm doing three jobs at the moment... the one I get paid for, healing Tracy and healing our relationship!!! I wish I got paid for the last two because they are by far the hardest work. But WOW are they worth it.

I'll try and catch up with you guy's posts as to where you are at. I hope very much that you are still "on the path" so to speak. You are both such wonderful people you'll be in my heart for a long long time.

Lots of love


#60096 - 02/09/06 06:57 AM Re: Keeping in touch
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
There's "happy tears" here as well.

I just love a happy ending!

Dave \:D \:D

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#60097 - 02/09/06 04:10 PM Re: Keeping in touch
riviera Offline

Registered: 06/01/05
Posts: 59
Loc: Spain
Hi Tracy,

I am so happy for the both of you... :-)

Another example that recovery is possible...and beautiful when it is done hand by hand.
Congratulations !!

Love can conquer anything...Love is FANTASTIC!!

#60098 - 02/10/06 06:32 AM Re: Keeping in touch

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Thanks Dave and Riviera. This is a big step for us but its sort of part of a bigger masterplan to start thinking f**k it, Lets just take a deep breath, hold hands and do it. It applies to all sorts of things really and we're learning a lot!!

We are both so sick and so mad at being inhibited by fear and self doubt and whilst we wobble furiously and often, it feels like we've got good at holding tight and riding the storm. Reaching the calm makes us kind of high.

We're still on a journey but hey!! We will be married and on a journey. I can't wait. I also would have walked away from anyone who 8 / 9 months ago would have said that we'd be strong enough to make this decision now. We are blessed and like you say Riviera, love is fantastic!

Dave. A big cyber hug for you. You lifted me/us out of that place called "alone" and I'm grateful.

Just to let you know also that I've started discusions with officers at work about how we can build support into the workplace for people going through CSA crisis / PTSD etc etc.. The council employ over 20,000 people locally where I live and thats potentially a lot of survivors. Its a start. We have really robust policy's in place re; supporting people who are experiencing domestic violence and this could be a extension of that work.I'll keep you posted.



#60099 - 02/10/06 09:36 AM Re: Keeping in touch
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Tracy, there is so much in your post that I could have written about why we've been together, not married, for close to ten years.

I know just what you mean about the point where you say, let's just do it and stop waiting for things to be right. We haven't gotten there yet in terms of actually setting a date, but it applies to so much of life.

I will throw in some smiley guys for you \:\) \:\) \:D \:D \:D \:\)

It is amazing how quickly things turn around once they start moving.


#60100 - 02/15/06 03:45 AM Re: Keeping in touch

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Thanks Sar and thanks for the smiley guys. We also want kids and my clock is ticking. thats an even bigger decision but we've got so much better at not denying our weaknesses and getting support / help... we are starting to think anything is possible.

This wedding is a healing journey in itsself. Theres nothing quite like inviting a whole bunch of people to come and celebrate your love for each other, to test your fear of rejection!!

I honestly think its our willingness to change and be challenged that has helped our balls to roll in the right direction. Still a long way to go but we are plodding steadily and surely a long way away from crisis.

Its great when someone says they understand.




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