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#59724 - 05/10/04 09:05 PM The new 'N' word...
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1798
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I made this a separate post incase Nancy had the email setting switched on for her posts, although chances are she will see this anyway.

I was doing some catching up today and had the opportunity to read all the Nancy posts and I wanted to give you all an outsiderís point of view. I am not defending, condoning, or even saying that Iím %100 sold on this myself. However, I could not let this go without playing devilís advocate.

Picture yourself on a crowded elevator.

Imagine your foot being stepped on by a large person, and the pain is tremendous.

How do you feel about this person?

You turn to look them in the eye to tell them (quite sternly) to watch where they are going.

And you discover that they are blind.

Now how do you feel?

Perhaps Nancy was doing abuse research because her husband was abused and he is pushing her away. That would explain why she has so much time that she would rather spend here. Perhaps her husband doesnít accept the fact that the abuse affected him at all, even though the ďpages and pages of research and articlesĒ she printed and showed him say otherwise. Then, when she tried to point out that there is this great site he should see, he told her to shut up and leave him alone about it and if she mentioned it again, to him or anyone else she would be in trouble.

I think all of you were right when you said someone doesnít just hang around a site like this. Iím not defending Nancy at all, I just think she said a lot more if you read between the lines and I didnít want you to miss it.

I apologize if this opened the wounds again.

#59725 - 05/10/04 09:19 PM Re: The new 'N' word...
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Truth to tell, I was never suspcious of her, although I can truly understand those who were.

Perhaps your rationale is spot-on too, Roland, but I still fall back on my first statement. What if she was who she said she was, and nothing more?

People can genuinely want to help those who are hurt. Why would someone come to this site? maybe to understand. Why would anyone try to help people like us? Maybe because they saw someone in pain and empathized, truly and really empathized?

It's easy to misunderstand this. Particularly in the United States, where we have the shadows of Kitty Genovese and the "not my problem, I don't want to get involved" mentality. We have people who'd rather not see we have abused children and healing adults because that means that their children may be at risk, they too may have been abused (or, worse yet, were targeted for abuse and got away for some "Thank you God" reason and will never know, which can be even scarier to someone who wasn't abused), or that there is an abuser living in their neighborhoods/teaching in their schools/caring for their children/THEY might be abusers because they "lust" for the Olsen twins.

We just can't mistrust everyone who comes to this site. Guide them, inform them, counsel them if they're doing something disturbing unconsciously, yes, but not shut them out. We have people who refuse to understand, those we WANT to understand and see what we go through, yet we're the first ones to cast out someone who WANTS to understand and help.

It's the way we are, it's the nature of the Beast, but isn't trusting the first step BACK from recovery?

Isn't this also why we have trained and expert moderators, and isn't this why we should TRUST them, too?

Just a thought, and like you, I don't want to reopen old wounds.

Peace and love,


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#59726 - 05/10/04 09:34 PM Re: The new 'N' word...
kolisha54 Offline

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Can we just forget about this, pull-eaze?????

This was NOT anyone's finest hour.

Suffice to say, enough of us felt threatened & uneasy.

And that's that.

If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel


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