was cleaning out my Hotmail account box, because I saved every PM forwarded from here and it was taking up memory space (conceited, aren't I? ). And it got me to thinking about how much of my healing has come from here and how much of my support has come from men and women I've never met, save online.
So you'll forgive me for taking up some time and maybe heaping too much praise on you all as I think about this and thank everyone here, and some people specifically, for all they've done for me. And if I don't mention you by name, please forgive me. I know there are many more here, but there are a few that have meant the world to me and continue to do so. This is also going on Friends and Family, so please excuse that, too.
You know, it's funny. James (one of thsoe who I really need to thank) told me, during one of the recent times I was feeling low, to reread my old posts here and see how far I've come. Well, James, I don't feel I've come as far as you SAY I have, but I've come farther then I thought was possible. Certainly, when the worse of the memories were coming back, I didn't believe I could make it. I thought I was crazy and alone and all that garbage that my abuser and my rapist fed me. The truth is that I'm NOT crazy, just a little unwell (Matchbox 20, good group!), and while there will be bad days ahead, there will be more good days, too, if I have the courage to hang around long enough.
Oh, sure, there are times when I thought I'd have to leave. there were difficulties with the fakes (Thanks again to the liars out there! ), and other folks who were just plain mean or irritating, but truly more good people than bad people come here, and we're all here for one reason, to HEAL. To GET BETTER. To OFFER SUPPORT and LOVE one another. And that's what keeps me coming back.
So, for those of you who've kept this old boy going, thank you. Thank you for the support, love, and downright courage to keep going. Thank you for your wisdom and humor, and just plain listening when that's all I needed. Thank you for the validation I've gotten when I doubted myself. It'll certainly happen again, but I know that if I'm patient, I'll get through it. And I know it because of you.
There are those who mentored me when I first got here, namely Dan in NE and James, but the moderators, Bob, and Mike, and David, and Ken, kept reminding me that all of this was okay and I would survive. I did. Your support was well received and bloody well NECESSARY at times. Thank you.
There are friends I've made here who are constant sources of inspiration. Leosha, MikeNY, Sean (Survive75), Theo, MarkGreyBlue, too damn many. As much as you've said on occasion you've learned from me, well, I learned from you, too.
The inimitable Brian Z, well, he's an irritant.
But an irritant can make a pearl, if you let it, and he's meant a lot to me over the months, my challenging, irritating friend.
There are those who've drifted in and out that I've regretted losing touch with. Namely Danny2, Tribear, Jeff (WhyMe), Confused18, Unknownsoldier. I've learned much from you guys, too, and I miss that. I think I'll have to look you up to say, "hi" and "how are you doing?" Stuff I've should've done all along.
Off all the posts I read (and still kept), the ones from JayM hurt the most, because I saw much good in him and his death hurts still. I'm glad I've saved them, though, and they've gone into the hardcopy file I'm making. Jay, I know you're still out there and probably still reading this, so thank you, my dear brother. I pray things are truly better for you on the other side.
The sisters and other supporters. Well, my people, I've leaned on you a lot and LEARNED a lot from you guys, too. Everything I've said about the brothers goes for you. Especially Lynn (Pollyanna), Caro, (Caetel), Sammy (Wifey1, love your erudition!
Seriously!), PAS, SAR, J (Kolisha), Tabor, so many others. And to those who occasionally drop by (Marc's Friend, Orodo'ssister (sorry if I got the name wrong ), well, I haven't forgotten about you either and will either look you up or ask you to drop me a line.
So many blessings here, despite the sadness for being here. And the insanity of those who forget what this site is about.
And those who are new brothers and have become very dear to me, namely So-Cal Marc, SNAP Latino, LEarning2remember, others whose names aren't rolling off my mind at present , you keep giving me hope when there is none. You mean a great deal to me, too, and I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
So, to end a very long appreciation. Thank you. And keep reminding me of why we're here when I fall. I'll do the same for you because that's what we're all about after all, right?
Peace and love,