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#58983 - 04/15/04 11:25 PM To the guys
Pollyanna Offline

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 211
Loc: Missouri
Hey guys...

I sit here reading the stuff you write. I have learned a lot, but the greatest learning hasn't been in my head, it's been in my heart. I can't even begin to describe what has grown in there.

I wish so much that you could see yourselves through my eyes even for just a minute. There are so many of you who have such low impressions of yourselves, but that's not what I see...not ever. Being here, where so many feel so weak, I have seen the the most incredible strengths ever in my life. I have only the deepest respect, and highest regard for every one of you. I wish somehow you could just see.

Many of you I see are blaming yourselves for things, and I would like you to know from my "outsider" point of view, there is no way...not even remotely...that any of this is your fault. Even the ones who feel like they "did" were children without the knowledge you have now, and you can't be held accountable for information or "upbringing" you did not have. You also can't fault yourselves for trusting adults, like you were "supposed" to do. You can do things differently now that you have more experience and knowledge, and you are! YOU have made the difference. "They" are not winning.

I know all the words in the world from people like me probably won't make much difference, but I feel like I have to say them anyway. I feel like you ARE clean. I feel like you ARE worth it. You do deserve to be happy and have rich fulfilling lives. It's THEM who deserve to feel all the guilt and sadness, not you. No matter what "they" told you, it was all lies to manipulate and make you feel responsible, and to get you to do things you would NOT normally do. I mean, how many of you would have dreamed this stuff up all on your own? Right...NONE of you!!! Neither would any of you have chosen it.

I know that you are here to heal, and it's for yourselves and each other, but I want to thank you with all my heart for allowing me to be here. Thanks to those who have allowed me to get to know you. My life has been greatly enriched.

I can't speak from experience about this stuff, but I know how I feel when you guys do. I wish every one of you peace. I know God is proud of you for working so hard, and trying so hard to right these wrongs that aren't even yours. You are truly great people.

That's the way I see it.

Lots of hugs, and lots of love,

The resident "cheerleader"


"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

Anne Lamott

#58984 - 04/15/04 11:41 PM Re: To the guys
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts

Now, all I've got to say after that, and after all the kind words you've sent my way is thank you.

Remember also that for all you've learned from us, I've learned from you. You've saved my life, sister. You're truly special.


Peace and love,


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#58985 - 04/16/04 03:24 AM Re: To the guys
gryffindor Offline

Registered: 02/08/03
Posts: 131
Loc: St. Charles, Illinois

May I say that I agree with every word of your post. I am not quite the same as I was before I started reading and posting at this site. I have witnessed more courage and more love here than I ever thought could exist between unrelated people. You really are brothers and outstanding human beings.


"Where there's a will, there's a way." American Folk Saying

"Had I not fallen, I could not have arisen; had I not sat in darkness, I would not have recognized the light." Midrash Tehillim Ch. 22

#58986 - 04/16/04 05:30 AM Re: To the guys
MikeNY Offline

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
Lynn, people like you and everyone else here give me the one thing that I have not been able to find in a long time, nomatter where or how hard I searched. I'm refering to hope. Not just hope for me, but hope for everything good in this world to survive, prosper, and one day be the rule instead of the exception.

Thank you all.

"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

#58987 - 04/16/04 11:54 AM Re: To the guys
swartzhund Offline

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 61
Loc: Michigan
That was so sweet of you. We're glad to have "cheerleaders" like you on our team.


#58988 - 04/16/04 02:56 PM Re: To the guys
wifenneed Offline

Registered: 12/20/02
Posts: 96
Loc: Michigan
Lynn, you said what I try to say to my husband all the time, and hope that it will sink in one day, and that is that I wish he could see himself as I do, as a strong, competant, beautiful and CLEAN man. I love him so very much and wish I could help him see what a valuable person he is. I've made progress, at least he can admit one thing he likes about himself (his hair). \:\)

Thank you for putting into words how I feel about the men on this site. You are all helping us partners too, as well as yourselves, and I appreciate your willingness to share here!!!


#58990 - 04/16/04 07:49 PM Re: To the guys
theo Offline

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1122
from cheerleaders, to friend, to partner, to those we turn to... the ladies such as yourself and my beloved and others are what gives us male survivors the courage to continue. it is not only the words that reach out to us, but also the faith and the trust that each of you have in us when we cannot see it in ourselves that keep us looking to that horizon i always speak of because it is by words and deds that we know each of you are at our sides through it all. thank you, lynn, and bless you as you continue to journey well.

journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

#58991 - 04/17/04 03:48 AM Re: To the guys
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA

Thank you for putting into such lovely words the feelings of so many of us.

I'd like to think that we all contribute to the "making a difference" that happens when a hurting male survivor finds this board and reads the wealth of sharing, trust, compassion, strength, and the will to change the world, that is here.

The difference is the world. Silence and isolation, the fear that our words don't matter--these things are the legacy of abuse. By speaking our truths and feelings, we cast a light forward into the caring and supportive world that is hidden from these men in pain--a world of friends and strangers, brothers and sisters, survivors and "cheerleaders."

Go team!


#58992 - 04/17/04 11:26 PM Re: To the guys
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I'm sitting here listening to Johnny Cash singing 'Hurt' off his The Man Comes Around' album and reading your post - with tears running down my face.

Thanks for that, they are tears of such joy.

Dave \:\)

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#58993 - 04/18/04 02:30 AM Re: To the guys
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1984
Loc: Flint, Michigan



Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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