Oki here I am, I have survived the day !
I went this morning at 9am to the police station. Two friends joined me there and stayed until I was interrogated. The police captain started telling me "I don't like my job when I have to deal with this kind of cases". (bad translation but he was actually very nice and sympathetic). Then he told me that the prosecutor's office had made a statement to say that the crimes I related for myself were "prescrits" meaning that I can't go to court because I had only until 28 years old to press charges but nevertheless the captain told me I was still authorize to press charges officially (a subtlety of the French law) and it would be a good thing to make them prosecute my father in my niece's case.
I was not prepared for that ! I just thought I would be interrogated ! But I decided to go all the way so I declared I wanted to press charges for myself and off we went with the whole story.
I stayed there for 3 hours ! At first I was very afraid but I relaxed a little bit because that captain was so nice and he really believed me and wanted to help. He advised me for the best and avoided to write down tricky infos that the prosecutor's office would not like.
I tried to be as precise and specific as I could. He did not ask the details of all my memories of abuse but only the main stuff : fondling, fellatios and stuff like that.
He was appalled ! He went on asking questions about my family, my niece and my sister's denial of the abuse.
He gave me at the end a paper saying I had pressed charges where it says "rape and sexual abuse perpetrated by ascendancy" which is in the French law an aggravating circumstance (15 years of prison, with no reduction).
I can't tell you how it feels, just to read those words and to feel like this is not your burden anymore, now the Justice is taking that burden that I was carrying for the whole family.
I have felt truly adult today for the first time. I was happy also because I know in my heart that I did not do it as a vengeance but I did it to protect my niece and also because my father has to confront the consequences of what he has done. I have meditated a lot yesterday and this morning. I have received so much energy and love from you, from my friends on http://www.inceste.org
and from other friends that I had only love in my heart today.
I came out so exhausted, drained and very sad. I have been wanting to cry all day and I can't yet.
I managed to go to class this morning (psychopathology !
) because I wanted to feel that I am going forward in my life, I study art therapy in order to help you guys and this is where I belong. I have to concentrate on my life, what's beautiful in it. My abuser has not killed the love in my heart and that's the most important thing.
I hope that soon I will meet V. again. We both have had to face so much lately, maybe we needed this time on our own to address our problems properly. Maybe he needed to know that I can deal with the hardest situation on my own, that I am that strong. I don't know ! All I know is I LOVE HIM !!!
Love and blessings to you all.