Newest Members
chairdesklamp, Bill Ohio USA, jez, Long Way Home, Bcbornleo
13595 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Andrew (67), andrew-almost52 (67), andrew51 (67), James35 (51), jmr2191 (27), Ower (53), steve-o (61), TOM2 (36)
Who's Online
3 registered (blacken, Guss, 1 invisible), 43 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,595 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,703 Topics
493,773 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#58351 - 10/22/05 07:38 AM Advice please-agoraphobia, detox and rehab
Bluebird Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 15
Hi everyone,

Thank you all for your kindness and caring in response to my last thread. Hubby has been feeling increasingly agoraphobic lately, not wanting to be around people, which is so unlike the self-proclaimed "party animal" he usually is. This week he has been nearly incapacitated--he came home from work midday Tuesday and did not go in the rest of the week. He has been sleeping most of the day, and when he took the car to be washed, he said that it was very hard for him because of all the people. He has been drinking a 12 pack of beer almost every day. His T says that after a year of therapy and his critical trauma work complete, that he is now feeling the world without his shell again, and feels vulnerable. She has been suggesting he quit drinking and go to AA meetings for some time, which he has attempted a couple times but resisted. Today she suggested detox and a 30 day rehab program to help him get the necessary life skills to cope in the world without alcohol. I was really surprised when my husband said he would think about it, then later told me he felt ready to do it. His T thinks the biggest thing holding up his recovery is the alcohol. I went to my first al anon meeting this week and plan to offer him as much support and encouragement I can, while understanding that he must be the one to take the actions to get sober.

I am going to take him to detox on Sunday. I wonder if anyone here can share with me what to expect while he is in detox and the 30 day rehab program. Was this a turning point in your own or your loved one's recovery? Has anyone here had experience with agoraphobia--not wanting to go outside or be around people--and any suggestions on overcoming it?

I keep telling hubby that I am so proud of everything he has accomplished so far. I realize that hubby has felt overwhelmed at times, but really has the desire to make a full recovery and I want to encourage him and support him in that as much as possible. I want to empower him to heal.

Thanks for letting me get this out. I sure am going to miss him while he's gone for the next month. That's going to be hard. But to know that he is on the road to recovery is good consolation.

Love and peace,


#58352 - 10/22/05 08:40 AM Re: Advice please-agoraphobia, detox and rehab
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Hi Bluebird,

Substance abuse has not been a problem in my relationship but I have seen first-hand how it keeps people from moving forward at difficult points in their lives. I think you and your husband should feel very proud and optimistic about taking this step.

I think that "turning points" in healing come quietly, in the mind of the survivor, more than anywhere else. One day, what seemed acceptable conditions for living the day before, no longer seem acceptable. Perhaps if your husband is "surprisingly" ready to get sober and learn some life skills, a turning point has already come.

I hope you will keep us posted on how you're doing.


#58353 - 10/24/05 04:51 AM Re: Advice please-agoraphobia, detox and rehab
Bluebird Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 15
Hubby went into detox today. He will be there for 3-5 days, then he will go to a long term recovery residential program for about 4 weeks. Hopefully he will be home by Thanksgiving.

I hope more people respond to my thread. I have been told that substance abuse is a common problem for CSA survivors.

I was in the room when the nurse took my husband's medical history. It really was overwhelming to see the history of depression, hospitalizations and drug use. Although much of it was in his teenage and college years, the alcohol and depression remain. Hubby said that for the first time he understands that it is the abuse that led to all of it. For the first time he has the whole picture.

He was really reluctant to say that his goal is to give up alcohol forever. He hadn't even been admitted yet, and already he was looking for ways out later on, to find his way back to "old friend" alcohol down the road.

I hope the effects of this program are lasting. He chose to do it, he took the initiative, but he tends to belittle AA and other 12 step programs. He is very intelligent and often rationalizes against it. I hope my hubby is not too smart for his own good, and can open his mind and benefit from the coming weeks.

As I write this, I am starting to cry. I see this step he has taken as a very positive step towards his recovery. I have begun going to al anon and will go to my first support group for family members of survivors next week. Although I feel emotional, I also feel strong in the face of this new challenge. I kept telling my husband that I am so proud of him, even as he was saying that he was a wreck and a loser. I kept reminding him how far he has come, how much he has accomplished in the last year. I also have been telling him lately that I know he will find his way through this. I think that's an empowering statement, and I want to empower him. I see a difference when I say that. I've also spent alot of time lately just listening.

Thank you for letting me vent. For any of you who have been through detox and recovery, it would be helpful to me to hear how you felt when you arrived, during, and after. I want to know what to expect. Did this kind of program turn you around and make you want to live sober? As my husband says, alcohol has been his crutch to numb the pain for many years. I hope the veil of sadness will be lifted and that he will be able to live a happy life. I know this will take time, but I believe with all my heart that it can come to be. Thank you for listening, and for your continued support.

Love and peace,


#58354 - 10/24/05 06:35 PM Re: Advice please-agoraphobia, detox and rehab

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Bluebird, I have no experience of this. My partner was addicted to furtive sex with men but it was the adrenaline rush, that he got that sustained the addiction and the withdrawal afterwards (a bit similar to a hangover maybe) that facilitated his isolation and where as a survivor he felt safe. This all being out in the open seems to have squashed the addictions strength.

A result has been that without the constant distraction in his head and the terrible withdrawal afterwards that followed an incident, he seems to be able to give much more to me.

I hope very much that your partner manages to kick this and that you feel some of those sorts of benefits. Its truly wonderful but also a bit scary at times because its strange.

Wishing you both all the best and heaps of luck and courage



Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.