Hello everyone ! Sorry about the long silence, I was just recovering from the whole "pressing charges" experience. I have been feeling better but got hit right away by huge financial problems. Hard to keep my head above water.
I have explained a few weeks ago that I have been the victim of horrible gossips by a guy of the French web site http://www.inceste.org,
a male survivor. When I turned him down because I wasn't interested in him, I told him I wanted to be absolutely true to my friend V (also survivor) whom I love. As a result, the guy repeated all of the conversations I had with him about V with V himself in the most horrible and nasty way. He knew when he did that V would be badly hurt and in consequence would be crazy, angry with me. That's what happened but I only found out yesterday how tragic it has been for V. and the stuff V believed were true about me.
It started last Sunday, I felt he was not well so I sent him an sms. He rang me 45 min later, in rage, verbally abusive, accusing me of harassment, saying he did not want to see me or hear about me or receive anything from me (though the previous night he had come to the usual Saturday dinner of the website knowing that I would be there !). I was in shock, it was like suddenly the nice person I knew had disappeared. I tried to make him talk about the whole story/gossips, the true reasons for his anger and he got even more violent. I told him he never heard my side of the story and I started to tell him my version. He kept interrupting me, he did not want to listen to me. After that I spent the whole night crying.
Then, a friend of mine posted something about violence, how she can't stand violence and she doesn't understand how people can be violent with each other. She was refering to a friend of her who is being beaten by her boyfriend. But then, out of the blue, V sent a very violent letter to my friend, accusing her to be "on my side" and talking about him on the forum and making allusion to him and his mother (he has been abused by his mother), making references to a relationship that was inexistant as far as he was concerned (I mean my friend was talking of another couple right ?). He actually recognized then that he had been verbally violent with me on the phone. He went on completely paranoied about the kind of person I was: manipulative, mean, crazy. He accused me of taking photos of him when he did not know and accused me of spreading them on the internet to make people believe we were together. He then went on saying how insane I am because of my spiritual beliefs and what he knows from other people about me being a healer (when I told him in September I wanted to share my very special and beautiful experiences with the spiritual world and how it has changed my life completely he chose not to hear me !).
He screamed that if I was doing art therapy to help male survivors it was because I wanted to cure him and so on.
He also went on about how happy he is right now with someone he loves (completely untrue in view of the sad face he had on Saturday when he regularly glanced toward me all through the evening
because I did look gorgeous
I am devastated because the evil gossiping have deeply hurt him at a moment when he needed to believe he could trust me. I know in a way part of the problem is that he had turned me into this ideal person (to replace his mother) that I can never be. I am so hurt ! Beyond his violent words, I can still reach out to see his pain, feeling of humiliation and also his fears. I think he is afraid of my spiritual life/gifts, of being vulnerable (because of my insights and because of my work with male survivors) and maybe of losing me (he also found out that I had spent the evening of St Valentine out with a guy while he was at the inceste.org dinner party (actually very strange after saying he had a girlfriend and a very happy sex life). I think he is also afraid of the changes in me,because I am healing fast,I am taking risks (like going to a biodanse workshop)and meeting guys (I actually met two guys but that's enough to make him unsecure and jealous).
I cannot make sense of such a burst out of paranoia and violence; I know he has been hurt for weeks (the whole nasty gossips started mid January)and he kept all his emotions bottled up inside.
As a response, I told my version to one of his friends and to him I wrote I would not allow him to judge my spiritual life when he did not know nothing about it and refuse to hear me talk about it. I told him that my "collection" of photos was down to 5 (I had given him some copies even !) and I told him "What the hell do you think you are to criticize my professional choices and think that my life revolves around you ? You don't need me to heal, I think you are doing great on your own".
Anyway, this is a long post but if you can help me with that sudden paranoia, I would be so grateful. I must add that I have always been kind with him, showing love and tenderness, being supportive. My only BIG mistake is having trusted people in a moment of solitude and despair who were extremely jealous and dysfunctional people.
Thank you guys for the support.