He doesn't mean to hurt you when he asks if you are a smiling assassin. Abuse isn't just about sex, it's often about a coward smiling and gloating at the control and humiliation he can inflict on a trembling terrified child.

Have a look at the "Epiphany on Fear" thread in Male Survivors. That will give you some insights.

Take care,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)