Okay, this is a little awkward. My mom used to be really smothering and too loving. Like as I got older, I felt like things were a little innappropriate, not that i was ever abused. But as I became a teenager and learned about sex, i got very sensitive about being touched,especially by my family- both out of embaressment and feeling like i needed my own space and respect. Often, my mom would do things to just piss me off, like pat my butt or something. I'd get angry and call her a pervert, only cuz i was mad and wanted her to leave me alone. After a while my mom got that i don't like being touched (my older sisters are okay with physical affection, so i guess she's not used to being told no). I have wondered about whether i've been abused, and even thought i was at times just out of not being respected for my personal space, so that i really got paranoid about getting close with my mom. I go to boarding school (not for bad reasons, i enjoy the academic challenge), and when i was at the airport and saying bye to my mom, she accidentally kissed me on the neck. I called her later and asked if it was accidental, (even though i knew it was). I sorta did it jokingly, because i didn't want to be taken in a bad way.
A couple months later i found out that my mom had figured i'd be bothered and probably call her. She even joked with my sister about it. When i confronted her, becuase i was really hurt, she said she assumed i had thought she was "coming on to me" or something. That really blew me away, b/c i never actually thought that, nor ever said anything like that. She mentioned how i sometimes called her pervert, but i tried to explain that i just said that cuz i was mad and wanted to get it across that i dont like being touched. Finally, i basically told her i didnt think that, and was sick to my stomach that she thought i did. She didnt apologize or anything, just said okay like trying to get me to just end.
Now weeks later i still feel horrible, like how can i go on knowing my mom thought that i would think such a horrible thing? Am i completely alone with this? Should i care, or worry? Does my mom think i'm perverted? I kinda just want acknowledment from her that she was wrong and she's sorry for thinking that becuase that really hurt and disturbed me. But i know that if i ever mention it again, she'll just say i let things bother me too much. Please help, I think I'm just taking everything out of proportion because i feel alone and confused.