just in case there has been some misunderstanding about my personal choice to leave i wanted to take a moment to explain. i had hoped that my threads were clear enough but this past thread regarding leo was pretty brutal and extensive. i made my choice to leave after two weeks of serious and painful consideration. i had decided to leave before the blowup over the chatroom. what has been driving me away was not the women on the forum, they were able to show me that not all women were like the one's who tried to destroy me. i was learning that women could be compassionate without being manipulative. this was something i only have learned through lady theo prior to the forum. what was driving me away was the bickering not only between genders but also between each other. when i read al's thread a few weeks ago in the unmoderated forum i felt his pain and understood its source but targeting lynn as he did was the same thing in principle that was done with leosha. it was that kind of behavior that has been eroding the cohesiveness that drew me to this site months ago. i have been going through some really bad things the last couple of weeks but have not felt safe enough to post because of the bickering, pettiness, and hostility that seemed to crop up every week in some form or another. we were supposed to be respectful of each other's integrity and boundaries, but when i start to feel as though i am walking on eggshells in a place that was once a refuge it is no longer a place for me to be. i learned this the hard way through the end of my former marriage and the devastation of my family. some of the stuff i have been trying to deal with are on par with what happened to me back in october when i started remembering the graphic hell the a**hole put me through when i was three years old, but i no longer felt safe to post that here because of all the pettiness that has been going on. am i saying it is petty to express real feelings and sense of boundary infringement? anyone who has read my words here should know the answer to that. what i am saying is that when one person crosses the line and starts lashing out either in pain or stupidity then something precious has been lost...trust.
so many people here have been hurt because it has been forgotten what brought us here in the first place...that loss of trust in the basic potential for compassion and integrity of us all through the abuse each of us have survived. people such as al whose anguish was so painfully felt, to lynn's pain, to leosha's righteous anger at the dispicable statement, to crisispoint's pain at the general state of hostility here. so many people have been hurt unnecessarily because it was forgotten that we come here to learn of what we were beaten to forget, that people really can overcome the lies that haunt all survivors regardless of gender. this is why i gave my farewell, i could no longer remain where such a precious lesson was apparently forgotten. i lived my life with that lie and refuse to do so anymore.
will this remain forgotten?
- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it