Hi guys !
Ok, I told you about V. about about his struggles right now to reach out to me. The fears he is dealing with hit me last night.
I suddenly woke up at 5 am this morning, awaken by a major panick attack, an amazing anguish that came from one thought: I suddenly realized that V. loves me. Until now, I guess I did not really think he could love me. I am a survivor myself so I guess until today I loved him with a safety net. I think all the time I was prepared for him to leave me, I was prepared for being abandoned.
I suddenly got SO scared that he actually loves me. The lady I see for massages told me that I am changing a lot these days and in consequences, it makes Vincent change too. Last night I think his changes have hit me in a scary but very positive way.
I am so afraid I don't know what to do. I feel I am so vulnerable. I feel I can die any minute because I am so defenseless !
I have been scared all day today (it is 8.10pm in France right now). I hope the feeling is going to go because I'd rather feel love flowing into me.
I have no idea where this is all going ! V and I are like two kids in front of something we don't understand, something that is too unbelievable!
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !