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#56785 - 07/11/05 12:26 PM How to cope with sexual uninterestingness?
riviera Offline

Registered: 06/01/05
Posts: 59
Loc: Spain

This weekend has been a bit difficult for me.
On Friday night we went out for a drink and my boyfriend confessed that lately he feels cold inside and he does not show much affection and that is making him feel terrible cause he is totally in love with me and he worships me (he was so emotional telling me this and both were in tears). The truth is that he is more affectionate now than he was before (he is kissing and huging me and many times he is asking for affection) but in bed we cuddle and nothing else happens. He is always saying that he misses me very much (my body, our sexual life, etc). So he is not telling me that he does not love me but how lately he has lost interest in sex (although he never used the word sex or making love).

I have been reading many posts in here and I knew that at one point this was going to happen. He reckons this is happening since he told me about one of his most intruding memories (pillow). I told him that I understand, and I am here for him and what we have is good enough for me and things will get back to normal and we will recover our sexual life and so on. I pointed out how glad I was that he was being honest with me and he trusted me to tell me all that. He said that I am putting up with a lot lately and I don't deserve it. He said that I must love him very much. I said he should not feel bad about it but good that we have each other. We kissed and huged and he felt asleep in my arms. He is so grateful but yet he keeps apologizing.

We also talked about his "guilt" complex which in a way has much to do with it. He apologizes about everything lately. If he writes music and records he apologizes that he did not spend time with me although I was off doing other things and being ok with it. If I am cleaning and he is doing something else he would start cleaning with me cause he feels bad that I am doing it on my own... Anyway we both agree that he is the only one who can overcome the guilt (and I gave him hints of how the guilt feeling in the "now" is coming from the past). I try to help him the best way that I can.

Back to the main issue today the truth is that I am a very passionate woman and young and although I totally understand everything I am devastated inside as I am very sexual and sex for me like love are very important in my life. Although I am very logical I cannot help myself feeling lonely, pushed aside, not desired, etc.. and these feelings are affecting my mood. I have been quiet all weekend, wandering all the time and feeling sad. Usually I am very extrovert, happy, noisy (in a good way) and it is very noticeable when something goes wrong... He is noticing and I want to stop feeling like this.

How can I be patient, not be selfish, and yet feel ok? I guess it is not easy.
I am very down \:\( .

#56786 - 07/11/05 02:44 PM Re: How to cope with sexual uninterestingness?
medicb4 Offline

Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 71
Loc: Sweden
Originally posted by riviera:
How can I be patient, not be selfish, and yet feel ok? I guess it is not easy.
I am very down \:\( .
My wife and I are facing the same issues (we are both survivors). The only way to do it is maintian an open line of communication.

Sadness and other emotional states will certainly come, but TALK and they won't be as bad.

Just writing this has made me realize that, for me at least, I need my wife to read my thoughts and feelings (if she is up to this in her own process)...I am going to invite her to join.

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow". -Anonymous


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