My problem is that I suffer enormously for the people I love. I try to sort out their problems (with my best intentions) as if I had the key to solve everything that happens and I get tremendously frustrated when I realized that it is impossible and actually damaging (like in this case) to try to deal with things that he has to deal with himself.
It's good that you recognise this, because if you keep trying to sort out his problems you will end up suffering as well.
You need your strength to look after yourself first, then support him.
It sounds hard on him I know, but it isn't. If he see's you suffering for him then he's going to hide his pain away from you, he'll keep it inside of him. And the chances are, like most of us, he's had plenty of practice.
When we get bad days, we need strong support.
I had the worst day I've had in years yesterday.
It was a beautiful sunny Sunday, I had a few odd jobs to do around the house but nothing hard, basically a nice relaxing day.
But I woke up with a panic attack, and it got worse throughout the day.
My wife recognised that I was having a 'bad one' and asked me how I was feeling. I obviously can't hide it as well as I could, so I told her how I felt.
What I got was reassurance and a big hug, and that was enough for me. I knew that if I got worse during the day then I could turn to her because she wasn't panicking about how I was, she just carried with what she was doing. Although I bet she was watching me a bit closer than ususal.
Knowing that, I carried on, did my jobs and then relaxed. Eventually, about 6 hours later, the panic attack passed.
What I needed was safety, and my wife's strength and composure gave me that. I get the same feeling from the guy I work with, he's also my best friend so he knows all about me, and I tell him if I'm having a bad day as well.