Thanks everyone! You can't believe what a relief it is just to be able to communicate about all this! Yes - N. does know about my history, but I have always discussed it in a matter-of-fact, affectless way: I've never really let him experience me as being in pain or out of control with it. I guess that's why he's opened up at all but not completely. I think I may be inadvertently giving the impression that I think it's somehow "easy" to recover from this kind of wounding. Well, all I can say is that I am learning - about both of us - every day. And to all of you who have been so generous - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel