Newest Members
JHJ, NowICanSee, rdc445, batman72, scareypt
13228 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bcb00 (40), beginning (36), Gary H. (43), jewelmom (65), kdg2310 (57), Li Yuki (2016), monarchnaps (38), Neverquit (32), Nord (60), SoSad (47)
Who's Online
2 registered (Bloom, 1 invisible), 25 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,228 Registered Members
75 Forums
68,542 Topics
476,925 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Topic Options
#55909 - 07/30/01 03:14 PM It's just about to get me

i am writing while i wait to go see my therapist. i am going to an aa clubhouse soon because i just don't want too die. stuff is just overtqaking me at a rate that i am failing to maintain. i just cry and pray and boy am i just hurts i am am so scared...god i think any of me is just melted and i am raw..i just want to be can anybody do this to someone i don't know i try to be so good and that never matters to anyone either. i just knew during the night i was going to start digging on me again. i had all th tingles but i prayed and walked and cryed and it stoped. i don't like that and once you start a place you just can'y leave it alone and it hurts and hurts untill it is bleed out.. ifeel i am worse knowing what i am doing than doin g it sometimes

#55910 - 07/30/01 03:28 PM Re: It's just about to get me
dbr1955 Offline

Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 69
Loc: Michigan

doug here, I know I hate the feelings too, michael , the fears, the parnoia, it is shitty, I will pray for you , and I hope things get better, Im crying now too, just the thought that I have so much baggage to deal with , sometimes it just doesnt seem fair, does it?


thanks for your friendship


#55911 - 07/30/01 05:09 PM Re: It's just about to get me
michaelb Offline

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio sounds like you feel the way i do.....i pray each night that i will die in my sleep.....i wish my uncle would have killed me back then, it would have been so much easier than least you have a therapist to see......i tested my therapist a couple of months ago to see if he really cared about me...i called and cancelled our future sessions...i was so hoping he would call me because he cared.....not a word....i even left him a message a couple of weeks ago to see if i might be able to go back.....again no response......i guess he never really cared at all....just another case of being let down by somebody i cared bad must i be to even drive away a therapist after 5 months......i know i will not survive this, i keep trying to muster the courage to slit my wrists.....but everytime i start, it hurts so much....i'm not afraid of dying......i'm afraid of continuing to live with this unbearable pain....if your therapist cares about you trust them....i wish i could help you....if you'd like to talk, e-mail me at care of yourself........michael

#55912 - 07/30/01 07:07 PM Re: It's just about to get me

I waent to 2 aa clubhouses and sat in the parking lot in case i needed felt safe..i went to my therapist i had called. he wanted me to come. he spent over 2 hours with me at no charge. This man truly cares about me. I am just in a place right now. I feel the whole world of juggling balls i have kept going is up over me susupended. I can't juggle anymore and time stands still as i ponder.


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.