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#54960 - 04/20/04 03:10 AM Re: I feel like a loser
MikeNY Offline

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
Marc, many of the things that you mention have actually been gained through similar techniques to substance abuse and other things. Some people have hidden by being workaholics, others by wearing a social mask, and other similar means. These things that have been gained, many of them have little tangible value to them because they do not seem solid, and the people who have them feel the same way that you do. I do not have very much myself, but I am trying to change that. I hope that you will too. Actually, I don't need to hope that, because I know that you already are. The ones who are truly blessed, are the ones who have the truly caring family members and friends. You will get there eventually. Look at how many good new friends you are meeting here.

"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

#54961 - 04/20/04 04:02 AM Re: I feel like a loser
yesac76 Offline

Registered: 03/23/04
Posts: 508
Loc: Idaho
I am a similar situation. I have a piece of crap job I loathe. The girl I am so crazy about has not returned my calls, so I am afraid I am alone again.
Remember, we are here for each other. THis has been the only thing keeping me going. And I hope we can do the same for you!
And I accept you for who you are!!!!!! My brother! Your sexuality is just another part of who you are, and I would never fault you for it!

"You live it or lie it" Metallica

#54962 - 04/20/04 05:02 AM Re: I feel like a loser
subdeacon Offline

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 83
Loc: Florida
Marc, my mother got her Masters of Education degree when she was in her 50's with a 4.0 average (she was a c student the first time around in the 1950's), and went on to teach both English and French for several years before retiring. She traveled all over Europe with students when she thought her ability to travel was over....

Then she retired, moved to Kentucky and met her current husband and married him when she was in her 60's.

Her mother abused her as a child and she suffered for years with low self-esteem as well.....

I have issues with my mother, of course. She never even sought any counseling or healing and made a lot of mistakes raising me.

So, there is always hope my friend...imagine what you are capable of doing when you have the added benefit of seeking out healing and clarity.

Hang in there! There are no losers here on this site...unless you look at it the way the Classics Dept. at University of Georgia did. We called ourselves the Lusores (or something like Latin spelling is bad). It meant the Players. That means you must play the game! We didn't win many games, we lost a lot of them, but of all the teams we had the most fun! We could laugh at ourselves and had the best parties! Plus we could insult the other team and they never knew what we were saying! \:D

"By way of trials and sufferings we must purify the divine image in us...for it is by reforging our senses in the furnace of our trials that we free them from defilement and assume our royal dignity. --Abba Philimon

#54963 - 04/20/04 05:26 AM Re: I feel like a loser
subdeacon Offline

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 83
Loc: Florida
Of course I should also add that I need to listen to my own advice. :rolleyes: Too often I play the game of the Anti-Stuart Smalley and say "I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, and gosh darn it people don't like me." It's easy for me to hand out platitudes like hors d'oeuvres, harder to put them into practice...but with help (and that includes you guys keeping me real and supporting me), I think I can also move away from my negative inertia. Hey if someone as screwed up as my ma can finally get stuff accomplished, there's hope for all of us! ;\)


"By way of trials and sufferings we must purify the divine image in us...for it is by reforging our senses in the furnace of our trials that we free them from defilement and assume our royal dignity. --Abba Philimon

#54964 - 04/20/04 01:53 PM Re: I feel like a loser
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts

You remember mypost yesterday? The one that said I had no one?

Well, you and I are in the same boat, because I'm in a dead end job, I have no money, no CAR (still fighting le insurance company! ), and basically so depressed that I can barely function.

But a loser? NO!

And neither are you.

You are changing, evolving, and growing. All these things WILL come for you, Marc. I'm so sure of it.

You need me, I'm here.

Peace and love,


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#54965 - 04/20/04 02:49 PM Re: I feel like a loser
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
Gee, Marc, it seems to me that you are far from a loser. I think I would count myself a loser if I backed away from recovery now. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it seems like it will never end, never pay off sometimes.

But going back to pretending I don't need it is the worst kind of hell. I had help getting to that hell the first time. I had help getting out a couple years ago. I'll be damned, literally, if I put myself back there.
And I am about to be 47. Feels like there is no time left to be anything. Or find that special person.
Then your time, at least right now, is all your own. Don't bother trying to "be" something. Don't go looking for the "special person."

Go do things that interest you. If your job sucks, why not spend time on a hobby you like? Try stuff you never thought you could do. (What do you have to lose? The misconception of inability?)

Life is what we make it, and we make it by what we do. Yeah, we live in a big world full of other people but they do not get to control us now. We are not victims. We survived. We are not losers so long as we keep working on winning.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#54966 - 04/20/04 03:10 PM Re: I feel like a loser
Brayton Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
I am about to be 50 and the men in my family have a habit of checking out before they are 70. Besides that I know that anything can happen at any age and especially at my age.

It was just recently that I began getting help in terms of abuse recovery and began making some progress.

Each moment is a new one though hardly a day goes by that I do not have to conciously remind myself of that.

How do I keep going? Hope and, I suppose, good old stubborness.

Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

#54967 - 04/21/04 05:01 AM Re: I feel like a loser
faceinthecrowd Offline

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 40
Marc,I have been 47 for 3 months.I want you to know the last 35 hiding are worth less to me than last 6 months of surviving.The past years pale in comparison to the days of finally dealing with SA.There are always tuffer days than others,but I wouldnt trade one of them for any of the years in denial.There are better things ahead for you./////////////faceit

#54968 - 04/22/04 12:27 AM Re: I feel like a loser
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Marc - the first time that I ever mentioned to anyone that I had been abused was when I was 44 (now 46) ...I sort of knew that they were friends, but had got myself into such a state that I wasn't sure. I was drunk when I told them about the abuse & I also told them that I felt like I was a freak & that I couldn't trust anyone!

They were shocked about the abuse, but even more shocked that I might not trust them and that I considered myself to be a freak.

I have what I consider to be a good job (or society would)...I do not do relationships (1:1) and cannot...good friends are all that I want.

Marc - please care about yourself (I know that's what I always found difficult)...look around and you might be surprised at what's there.

Best wishes ...Rik (nearly 47).

*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!


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