Newest Members
jake1985, cactus8, Neil Benesh, blazzeee, mmm coffee
13531 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
isol8er (46), omrfople (41), zookeeper (54)
Who's Online
3 registered (house, 2 invisible), 73 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,531 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,387 Topics
491,556 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#54571 - 06/03/05 01:13 AM Alcohol abuse.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Today was a sad day, I went to the cremation of a friend.

The 'Big Fella' as we knew him, was 52yo and I'd known him for about 25 years. We went out with our wives together, worked together and shared many good times.
He was 6'5" tall, handsome and always immaculate.
The last time I saw him to talk to was about 3 years ago, and his last words were "fuck off!" Since then he's avoided me, and all his old friends. His wife threw him out, and he died alone and unnoticed in a filthy bedsit. He'd been dead for a few days when the police smashed the door down.
The Big Fella drank himself to death, and there was nothing anyone could do about it because he, for some reason I can't fathom out, couldn't see what was happening to him.
The cremation service was 10 minutes long and without any eulogy, there were about 15 people there. A tragic end.

But contrast that with two other alcoholic friends, also a survivors of CSA, both have been dry for a few years years now.
When I first met Bill about 6 or 7 years ago he was a wreck, so down on himself that he couldn't look you in the eye, he looked sick and beaten, acted sick and beaten.
But he wasn't, I met him when we were both sharing the same therapist and we'd pass in the waiting room, he was making an effort.

And I feel so proud of being able to call him a friend now. He's a lovely man, a talented artist and getting his life together in a very positive way.
So much so that he came to see me and show off his brand new 1000cc Suzuki.
That's such an achievement for him, 5 years ago he was too frightened to get on a bus!

He's not the only one either, my other good survivor friend is also alcoholic, and dry.
You know him as well, it's Archnut - Kirk.
And I know how he fought his urges a while back when he was seriously triggered, and succeeded.
He's now very active in survior 'politics' and doing some terrific short film work.

Three alcoholics, two made a decision within themselves to "do something" One didn't.

I have some addictive traits, but nothing like drink or drugs that are also chemically addictive, so I won't pretend to 'know' what it takes to dry out.

I just have so much sorrow for the Big Fella, and total admiration for my two good friends Bill and Kirk.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#54572 - 06/03/05 02:09 AM Re: Alcohol abuse.
ForeverFighting Offline

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1253
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Dave, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It's hard to watch a friend wreck his life and have him reject all the help you want to give him.

I appreciate your post here. It's obvious that you want to help all of those with addictions to take that step. We have to want to get help. And although, like you, I have somehow avoided the chemical addictions, the reason I'm here is that I want help. You and all the other men here do a fine job of providing it.

I'm sorry for your loss. He may not have accepted all you have to give, but you do a fine job here. And for that, I thank you.

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, nor will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

#54573 - 06/03/05 07:21 PM Re: Alcohol abuse.
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1798
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I was at that fork in the road... I made the right choice with the help of my beautiful wife, I shudder to think where I would be today if I didn't meet her, or if she gave up on me.

It was my 6th year of being sober this past May 15th.

I am sorry for your loss David, but thanks for bringing up this subject, and although any loss to alcohol, or any other means, is tragic, I'm glad there are still positive stories out there that give us all hope.

#54574 - 06/04/05 03:41 AM Re: Alcohol abuse.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
It was a strange day at work today, we were all shocked by the incredibly brief and matter-of-fact service. We think his name was only mentioned twice!
It was a tragic end for someone who was basically a nice guy, and for about 45 of his 52 years had no enemies and a huge circle of family and friends.
But it's obviously easier to piss people off than be nice to them.

Having said that, the main point of bringing this up was to drive home the point that there IS life with addictions, and I make a point of not saying "after addictions" because we live with addiction even after we learn to control the behaviour.

I also believe that overcoming addictive behaviour is easier with peer help, if we have someone alongside of us that has "been there, done that" then addiction will be easier to control.

Part of that process is accepting in a positive way what "we" as the addict achieves, whether it's one day without out particular addiction, or many years.
We should be proud of our achievements, we should tell others about them, if we struggle on our own then how are we going to feel appreciated?
And I feel that our friends who are making such great efforts should be reminded of them by us.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#54575 - 06/05/05 12:30 PM Re: Alcohol abuse.
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Thank you for illustrating the point Dave, and I am sorry for your loss. And your friend's loss, the loss of several years of his life, and his 'life' while still alive. It is a very sad thing.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.