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#54318 - 03/19/03 12:49 AM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Muldoon Offline

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Thanks guys you have helped me understand so much, I know that it is the kids that this is all about. We must help protect the children of today from the evil of CSA. Yes that is the one good thing that we can do for the furtrue. I am ready to do battle with all that stand in our way.
Yes, the ripples travel far from our words. Let's all cast those stones in the pond of life so all will know about the evil of CSA. Love you guys Muldoon

Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

#54319 - 03/19/03 09:59 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
orodo Offline

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
You got a wolf pack behind you, and you are "Akela" the leader...



It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

#54320 - 03/20/03 03:19 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
George Offline

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 265
Loc: NY metro **PM's are welcomed
I gave this alot of thought a few years ago. I did want to sue, especially after I realised how much was robbed from me, how much potential was flushed down the toilet. I was in my anger stage, so I was running on pure adrenaline (sp?).

I mean, if a 60 y/o lady can sue for spilling hot coffee on her lap and get nearly 2 million dollars???? What am I do? She will heal, and probably did by the time the trial started, but me... I'll be dealing with it in varying degrees till I'm in the ground.

I know where my uncle lives, although he's pennyless now. He did own a house at the time, which I'm sure he had homeowners insurance on. My father had homeowners on our house too. For those that don't know, insurance is a funny thing. If your damaged off your premisis and there is no other insurance to make you whole again, your homeowners policy will cover you. I say "your" will cover you, meaning anyone who lives in the insured property is covered off the property aswell, where no other insurance is in force.

Ok, sure it happened twenty something years ago. I'm sure no insurance company is gonna be willing to just fork over $ on my say so. It will probably take a court case to retroactivly go after the insurance policy, but then again, maybe not. I didn't look all that far into it to know for sure. But I belive there is probably a good chance.

At the time of my major dealing, I went down to the county prosecutors office and met with a detective there to tell my story. It was too late to procecute him by then, but they knew the potential in him and would keep an eye on him. I also told the whole family, so now he's in exile. He knows everyone knows that he is a sick perverted pedophile. But he has not been made a public spectical & the public is not aware of him.

I think that if pedophiles had to worry about loosing there $$$ and public humilliation in a civil trial, it would be a big deterant.

Would $$$ make me whole again? No, not 100% whole, but I know that I did have a monetery loss due to the abuse, by not being able to grow to my potential. Had I not been so damaged, I could've graduated HS and maybe went on to college. I most likely would be living more of a comfortable lifestyle If I did. Yeah, I'll take some $$$ for what I've been through...

The one bad thing about sueing and what held me back, was that I would have to go 100% public myself. Most times I think that I could deal with that, but there are sometimes where I wouldn't want all my neighbors & coworkers to know what I've been through & certainly not any details. I just don't like that possibility.


My Updated (2017) Story, it focuses on the abuse, the aftermath & poor coping mechanisms & breakthrough...Healing ;

#54321 - 03/20/03 04:43 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Muldoon my friend do not underestimate the impact of what you are doing, just becuz we know you're doing it! You are an inspiration & motivation to courage & advocacy. Thank you bro.

Orodo, a world where no perp is safe to perp ever again. Awesome thot & prayer.

One day a boy walking on the beach during low tide came upon a man who was walking along throwing starfish stranded out of the water back into the ocean. There were stranded starfish all up & down this huge beach.

"Why are you doing that? the boy asked. "There are so many. It's hopeless. What does it matter?"

As he picked up another starfish & tossed it back into the safety of the water he replied, "It matters to this one!"

I can't stop every perp & save every victim. But just one makes life worthwhile & makes me more of a survivor & thriver. That goes for all of us.

The wolf pack is on the prowl. OWWHHOOOOO!!!!

Now the question...

Would I sue my perp?

The only one who's whereabouts I know is my mother, perp #1. Suing a 62 year old woman who has scarcely worked a fulltime job in her life & lives in a room in someone else's house & doesn't even have a vehicle & is on minimal social security.

Sure wouldn't be for the money. Don't know if it would be worth it in any way.

Guess I can't answer that one right now.

My recovery & my advocacy for other survivors is my best revenge in taking a bite out of my perps & all perps!

If suing will do that, I'll try to hunt down every one that's still alive wherever they are & do it!


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#54322 - 03/20/03 10:17 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Nathan LaChine Offline

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5406
Loc: Washington State
Would I sue my perp? I would rather sue for ten mins alone with him and a baseball bat but since that would never happen I would like to take his money. Lord knows that we all need money and it would be nice to make a perp pay at least the medical and T bills. Thank you for all you hard work on trying to get the laws changed my brother good luck and keep up the battle.

#54323 - 03/20/03 10:22 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Nathan, hope all goes well for you.

You are young enough to not only sure but criminally prosecute.

I just came from a male survivor group that I have met with twice now. A young man told of his telling a DA, the hearing etc. It is because of the way he and others were treated that I think so few want that hassle. He was made to think that he was the one at fault. Who needs that.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#54324 - 03/31/03 02:03 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Chey-Wy Offline

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 245
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
What I am posting is from a private post I did to Muldoon. Sueing your perp is a tough battle. My attorney tells me we are just in the early stages of the battle. Is it worth it? Will it be worth it when it is all over? I don't know. I hope so. The one thing I will say is that the more we speak up the easier it will be for others to come forward. There was an article in this morning's paper regarding Gag orders and changing the laws. I had always wanted a gag order placed on my case when it is all over. One of the things that this article said has made me rethink that decision. It stated that the Catholic church used gag orders to protect them and cover up all the allegations. Had the cases been more open when they frist started appearing perhaps more priests would have been stopped earlier and the problem would have not gotten so big.

Prevention of S A is the Key. Perps need to be held accountable for the lives they have destroyed. Even a relative needs to be held accountable. They should be at least MADE to pay for the counseling expenses of the victim.

From the private I did to Muldoon:


When you did your post on Would you sue your perp I was going to respond but there was/is so much going on that I didn't. The Legal battle is going very S L O W. My attorney's para-legal tells me I need to be more patient. However, My attorney did send the Church's attorney a "nasty-gram" last thursday. We have provided the church with ever document they have requested and the church has not given/granted us ONE thing we have requested in return. Also, I don't know if you saw the post I did called frustrated with my T's. All that, plus, when I went to the police to try to confront Ted (post called "because I didn't say no) put me into a deep depression. I wanted to reply to your post that I would sue my perp(s) and I still will but I would advise anyone that is considering doing it to make sure you have a good support system in place. One day you will be up and the next day you will be so frustrated that you want to give it all up. DON"T

My feelings are that if I can prevent the Male Survivor membership from growing by just one member I will have accomplished something. Don't get me wrong. I want to see the membership grow and know that those needing help are getting it. I would like every survivor who needs us to be getting the help they need. I just want to prevent another child from becoming a victim.

There was an article in the paper about two weeks ago telling how a bill in the legislature had not been passed. It would have made more perps have to register and also made the sheriff's department have to send letters out to all neighbors when a convicted perp was living in the neighborhood. It would have made it more difficult for perps. The defense was that the perps had paid their price by serving time. What is so disturbing is that a few years ago I got one of these letters. There was a perp living right across the street from the parking lot of the Catholic school. He could look out his window and see the children coming and going.

Ted, my first Perp lives within Two blocks a grade school. There is a crosswalk right in front of his house. Ted likes 14 to 20 year olds ... but The Jr high and High school are right across the road from the Grade school.

Back to the bill that was defeated. I know the representative that introduced the bill. He goes to the same church that I was raped in. I am thinking about contacting him. Could you send me any information that you have that you gave out to your legislature. The more states that have laws the better. What is really needed is something like the Amber Allert but instead a Perp alert. A NATIONAL law that REQUIRES all perps to have to regiseter WHENEVER they move. They have made our lives hell. They need to start being held responsible for their actions.


From "Lion King" "The Circle of Life" with Lyrics

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba [Here comes a lion, Father]
Sithi uhm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion] (Repeat)

Siyo Nqoba [We're going to conquer]
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala [As lion and a leopard come to this open place]

#54325 - 04/01/03 10:40 AM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

Thanks bro. You are healing yourself and showing the way for the rest of us who may decide to sue our perps. My thots & prayers are with you friend.


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#54326 - 04/01/03 10:47 AM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Sick Puppy Offline

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
I would not sue for myself, but if I thought another child might be victimized then I would do everything I could to stop that. However, one of my perps is dead, another is in prison (unrelated charges) and the rest are nameless people I might not even recognize if I saw them on the street. I don't feel that I need to harm them or "bring them to justice." The best thing I can do is erase them from my life and not worry about them again, because what they want me to do is live with that stain forever. If I was to sue them and bring it public it would perhaps be a form of justice, but then I would be concerning myself with them, and they are not worth it.

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

#54327 - 04/01/03 03:21 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Speaking for myself I think I would rather see them go to prison and be released into the general prison poplutation with the only caveat being that the other prisoners keep them alive for their pleasure. I guess, true to my former role as a hustler seeking violence, that would be the best form of punishment. At least that would be my desire if I were say 25

I am however 62 and quite content to think that they all led horrible lives and died horribly. I just want to live the last quarter at peace.



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