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#53232 - 03/13/03 10:50 AM Set back today
taipan Offline

Registered: 03/09/03
Posts: 57
Loc: CT
This emotional roller coaster is so hard. My world is collapsing around me while I'm trying to heal. I keep pressing my wife (we are separated) for another chance, when she tells me it too late I react with many of the same emotions that my SA has left me with. I feel alone, abandoned, scared, and am screaming for attention. I have severe anxiety attacks despite being on medication. Today I harassed her by calling her a million times at work and begging for her to please give us another chance. I acted like the 12 year old little boy inside of me and had a very difficult day. My therapist is trying to teach the adult me to comfort the child within myself just like I would if this were happening to my own child. That is great advice because I know how to comfort my own children but never learned how to comfort or take care of myself.

#53233 - 03/13/03 11:31 PM Re: Set back today
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

Fellow survivor, you're definitely on the right track!

You're recognizing that you are acting out of your inner child with your wife especially. You're seeing a T about this. He is helping you parent your inner child, something a lot of us here are working on--including me. Apparently I also did a much better job of parenting my own kids than Little Victor. On the other hand I can learn from that to help me parent Lil V better. So can you Taipan.

So take it easy on yourself & be patient with yourself.

Whether your wife chooses to or even can do that is something you have no control over. Your recovery purpose is to control what you can, and that, to some extent--an extent that will increase as you work at it--is you.

If any thing changes your wife's apparent present stance, it will be seeing you serious about & seriously in recovery. Maybe. Her choice.

And recovery is yours.

Do take care Taipan.


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#53234 - 03/14/03 12:31 AM Re: Set back today
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
You're at the begining of a hard road, but you're doing the right things and making the road easier.

Stick with the therapy, and work at it as much as you can. Come here and talk, ask questions and enjoy the support.

Keep in contact with your wife and let her see the improvements you make, always show you're positive and getting better. It's a load more work to do I know, but one of the first things my T said to me was "this isn't going to be easy" and he wasn't telling no lies, but he didn't say it was impossible either ;\)


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau


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