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#530395 - 01/02/19 02:21 PM Re: Confronting your Assaulter [Re: DerekN1973]
Tom E. Offline

Registered: 01/08/17
Posts: 666
Loc: FL
No I haven't.

#530396 - 01/02/19 03:02 PM Re: Confronting your Assaulter [Re: DerekN1973]
Gistin Offline

Registered: 11/28/18
Posts: 6

No need to be sorry, I feel what you are saying.

Originally Posted By DerekN1973
Sorry, I'm venting. But it's honestly how I feel.

#530405 - 01/02/19 08:53 PM Re: Confronting your Assaulter [Re: KMCINVA]
DerekN1973 Offline

Registered: 10/02/18
Posts: 7
Loc: NYC

You make a really good point about having an intermediary. I can see how that can really help. Especially if that intermediary has your back. It's so great that your abuser was exposed when you came forward. Which lead to others coming forward too. What you did should be applauded and might have helped many people. Perhaps even prevented this from happening to others.

This leads me to the question of... who is a good intermediary if one decides to confront an abuser this way? Has anyone used the police as an intermediary? From what I hear, the police can be tricky and sometimes, they don't believe you! I've also thought of a good friend or relative. But relatives can also be complicated, especially since the abuser might be a relative.

As men, we're taught that we have to take care of these things on our own. We're taught "be a man" and confront the person who did this to you! But I'm finding that this is harder than one would think.

Thanks again for your insight.

#530406 - 01/02/19 09:36 PM Re: Confronting your Assaulter [Re: DerekN1973]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 4229

The police is tricky, at least in my home state of CT you have to deal with statutes of limitation. Sadly, most States do not provide protection beyond a finite period after the abuse. I see you are in NYC and the NY State has been working for years to extend the statute of limitations without much success. I caution you about family, some are wonderful but look back on their history-- approach with caution. If they were truly good people then go for it. I learned in therapy and support the warning signs that I should have seen when I told of my abuse-- Please think deeply before telling family.

After living with initial treatment from family, I told several other family members and they were wonderful. An aunt my marriage always said my father's family could have arguments, not like what someone did but half hour later they would be laughing about, no grudges, just family.

Initial familiar treatment pushed me to people who knew love, compassion and did not hide behind their false world--they are the happiest people and most welcoming people--I am thankful for them because they rescued me many times. Telling the right people can rescue a survivor and provide a path to a happy life.


#530416 - 01/03/19 10:56 AM Re: Confronting your Assaulter [Re: KMCINVA]
DerekN1973 Offline

Registered: 10/02/18
Posts: 7
Loc: NYC
Hello Kevin,

I take your advice to heart and appreciate your words of caution. I'm glad you were able to find a great group of people that you can trust and make you happy. That's such a hard thing to find.

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