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#528973 - 11/11/18 06:29 PM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16274
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
Healing through forgiveness...

Oprah Winfrey says "Forgiveness is giving up all hope that the past could have been any different."

It took me awhile to come to grips with that definition but I've discovered it's basic truth. If I do that then I'm able to move forward into a healthy place. If I don't I'm stuck in a mess of resentment, doubt, and self-hatred. Looking at it that way, the course I need to take becomes clear.
_________________________
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#529086 - 11/15/18 08:11 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
WG Offline


Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 543
Loc: WA
IT was, for me, an essential piece of my recovery walk that I learn to forgive. I would talk it over with my T and, as always, he would give me something to consider as I went through my week. That forgiveness is what will set me free. Yes, it does something for the offender, yet the most important one is YOU. I know what happened - at least parts of it since there are large pieces of 'blank' - and I know who did it. What I needed to do was evict the squatters in my head. They were renting space for free.
I am better for doing it. As WalkingSouth said - I'm in a better place.

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#530060 - 12/21/18 01:19 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: Esterio]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6451
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
thank you so much for your kind words, esterio. believe me... i am feeling much better now, and getting better every day.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#530061 - 12/21/18 01:22 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: BDD]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6451
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
hi, BDD.
your reply means a lot to me.
i am glad i can connect with others.
i have been feeling alone for far too long.
thank you.
i, too, am sorry to hear what happened to you.
it should not happen to anyone.
what does not kill us, makes us stronger (and stranger).
stay strong, brother.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#530063 - 12/21/18 01:27 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: Sterling]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6451
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
dear sterling,
so happy to hear that i have inspired someone, anyone, even a little. i have come a long way in my recovery and it is my sincere desire to inspire others to overcome this dreadful disease we all share. TRAUMA is a thing of the past!
i am responsible for any problems i have in the future, and it is my own fault if i don't throw out the garbage. not once and for all, but every day, i have to clean house.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#530064 - 12/21/18 01:33 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: WalkingSouth]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6451
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
dear WalkingSouth,
thanks for the inspiration.
great quote.
so true.
but the truth hurts.
the desire to hold on to the memory and try to rewrite history is very tempting, but ultimately futile. i just wish it hadn't taken me a lifetime to learn that simple lesson. i desperately wish that my fellow survivors here will start purging as soon and as early as possible. however, i also know that it cannot be rushed. it has to come from within, naturally. the recipe for recovery may not be the same for every person, but i know what works for me.

peace.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#530065 - 12/21/18 01:38 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: WG]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6451
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
dear WG,

i am happy to hear you are well on your way to a better place and a safer space. you are so right about evicting the abuser. that is exactly what i did. GET OUT OF MY MIND! GET OUT OF MY HEART! i have reclaimed my territory and established a secure border, but the fence requires constant supervision and repair. i almost feel well. some days i actually feel a deep joy. something i have missed up until recently. peace.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#530206 - 12/26/18 04:05 PM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 423
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
My dear friend.

I replied to this thread back in 2013, has it really been this long?

You helped me more than you can imagine, thank you.

Quote:
but the fence requires constant supervision and repair


This is so true, it took me a while to understand this, but I work at this every day.

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, I wrote this in my journal.

The Greek word for ‘forgive’ used in the New Testament normally means ‘to let go, to dispose of something’. This offers us insight for life. To not forgive another means to let what they have done affect who we are – this is a choice to our detriment, which not even God can change, nor can God relieve us of the consequences of our choice. And to not forgive leads us towards hatred and revenge which are discussed just before (Matt 5: 38-48; headlines 13 & 14)

By contrast, to ‘let go’ of the hurt others have caused us is to ‘let go’ of the grip they have gained, by their actions, over our mind and emotions. To ‘let it drop’ frees me to look at my own need for forgiveness, to be loved by God and to live freely with love for others, as God intended.

For some people forgiveness is part of the healing process, we give back those things that never belonged to us, things that were never ours to begin with, but were forced upon us. It does not mean that we absolve them of their crimes, nor does it mean that what they did was OK. Forgiving them releases us from our burden, they hold no power over us any more. We are free to heal ourselves.

By practicing this act, which only takes a moment, I become a peace-maker, rather than a peace-breaker (Matt 5:9)

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#530262 - 12/28/18 01:30 PM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: tbkkfile]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6451
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
dear tbkkfile!!
so glad we have connected smile

happy to help.
we help each other heal.

thank you.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#530295 - 12/29/18 12:57 PM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
WG Offline


Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 543
Loc: WA
It takes a lifetime. It was only a few moments in time to our perpetrators, it's a lifetime to us.
I've walked through the pain any number of times with my T, and worked at the forgiveness piece just as many times. It truly has left me feeling more whole, more of a man, more alive when I forgive those who have done evil to me. What they intended for evil, God used for good (that's out of Genesis chapter 50).
Yes, Victor, we do help each other heal.

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