Hello Spoiledheart, Indeed finding ourselves in a forum such as this can seem uncomfortable, in that we're reminded, and have found so many like ourselves. That last has become a foundation of validation for me. It took so long for me to get to this point, the cptsd seemed crushing. It does get better, and I hope you'll find the time to do the work you need.
Today I read traveler aka Lee, who wrote a part of his work that is very moving, and each of us will find things like that. Sometimes I refer to what I do as peeling an onion, and managing my parts. The emotional parts sometimes include depression for me, and managing that isn't easy. I'm learning to seek help.
Welcome, this is the first, and to me, the only place like it I've found. I searched for some time. There is a lot of experience, and compassion here. That's been a healing anchor for me, I hope you'll see that too.