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#529618 - 12/01/18 08:20 AM Re: Reawakening of repressed heterosexuality? [Re: PRFL]
Alonso Offline

Registered: 08/31/16
Posts: 66
Loc: Spain
Originally Posted By PRFL
With a woman, I feel intimidated, I fear and loathe her femininity, but, but, (TRIGGER WARNING) doing you-know-what feels soooo good, the body parts involved completely enjoy it, I just don't like that her parts are attached to...a woman (which to me has a lot of negative connotations).
I understand that both of us were abused by women when we were children. As adults, both of us reject women very strongly. I'm wondering if there might be a relation between your experience and mine.

Interacting with women is also very challenging for me, although probably in a different way. I love women and their feminity and feel an intense sexual desire towards them. I'm very confident when I interact with them. However, as soon as I perceive that a woman is showing sexual interest I get a panic attack and reject her bluntly.

Looks like there are both striking similarities and differences between us in this sense, but I'm not sure of what to make of it.

Edited by Alonso (12/01/18 08:21 AM)
My story

#529620 - 12/01/18 08:52 AM Re: Reawakening of repressed heterosexuality? [Re: PRFL]
JamesM Offline

Registered: 01/30/18
Posts: 163
Loc: UK
I was abused by males and always rejected sexual advances from them when I was able to. Wrestling with my friend made me afraid, but I never got an erection - I wanted to get away in case I hurt him. I found it difficult to say no, it was as if he had a right to touch me. When I was younger I felt threatened by masculinity, I think because I knew how men could make me respond.

I like women and my body reacts positively to being touched, providing I am receptive. I usually feel threatened if a woman shows interest in me when I am not attracted to her. I tend to think in terms of sexual interest because of my abuse. Sometimes I feel a disconnect between my body and perceptions during sex. This is something that links to my low level of trust in others, my shame and my abuse memories, which are sometimes triggered.

Sometimes my feelings of childhood abandonment, emotional abuse and sexual abuse are near the surface and I want distance. I find it is best to talk to her about how I feel at the time, since I cannot enjoy sex in that state of mind anyway. It amazes me that she loves me deeply, but she shows it often enough. It is returning that love in the presence of negative emotions that is difficult for me, although it does not feel impossible.

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