I met my current partner when I was 14 (I think, possibly 13). It was at a school wrestling match and afterward she commented on how I had "filled out", I knew she was talking about down below. At the time I felt flattered as I was (like most teenage boys) worried about the size of my penis. Anybody who has worn wrestling gear will know that you feel very on show and I kind of felt turned on that she had noticed me. That feeling was the start of many years of blaming myself for what happened.

Anyway, she asked if I wanted to go back to their place for dinner, so I texted my mom to let her know (she just seemed pleased I was socialising with a school friend as I was a bit shy). I put my bike in the back of their car and went to their house.

During dinner she asked me if I wanted a glass of her wine, so I said yes. My friend just kept quiet. After dinner he went downstairs to play on his x-box as I think he knew how his mom got after a bottle or two of wine. I ended up sitting on the couch watching TV with her and had another glass of wine. By this point I must have been drunk, having no alcohol tolerance. We watched TV and chatted. I felt really grown up chatting with this older woman.
Eventually, after (what I now realise was) flirting with me, her hand kind of landed on my crotch area and she didn't move it away, she just kept it there and messed around with me. Without being gratuitous she eventually made me ejaculate in my shorts. I felt all mixed up inside. She said she'd wash the shorts I was wearing and went to get a spare pair of her son's for me to wear on my bike ride home. She stood there and watched me change and said I'd have to come back another day to collect my shorts after she'd washed them. I rode home (and still a bit tipsy) went in through the back way so my mom wouldn't notice.

Eventually this became a habit, I'd go to my friend's for dinner and over time it eventually turned into just going to see her. We'd do the same thing, she'd make me mess my shorts/pants and she'd lend me a clean pair so I'd have an excuse to go back.

If her son was in, then he'd just play on his x-box downstairs. He must've known what was going on. My mom was never really engaged with me, always working different shifts. My dad was long gone by this point in my life.

Over time things turned into a full-on sexual relationship. I'm still with her and (I'm ashamed to say) love her. My mom never noticed (how can you not notice that this is happening to your child?).

I'm now no longer under-age, so no laws are being broken. However I have to live this conflicted life, where I am living with (and love) my abuser. My friend is now my sort of step-son. He's never spoken to me about what went on as I guess he's worried that if I suddenly report this to the law, then he'd lose his mom. I don't say anything because I don't want to lose her and she just finds the whole thing hilarious.

I know my story is slightly unusual and I apologise if I've broken any rules in how I've told it.

My dilemma is that I don't want to carry on living in this mixed up situation, but I also don't want to lose my partner.
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Jake