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#513766 - 07/25/17 10:33 AM Marked for Death
Hoss Offline


Registered: 07/23/17
Posts: 53
I remember how it doesn't wash off in the shower.

It was Dec 21st 1990. Ironically the birthday of my rapist. I remember what I wore. I remember the theme to Twin Peaks playing in the background. I recall the low lighting, the proximity of the door to my right and the window to my left. I remember the counselor coming around the desk to catch me as I lost consciousness. I remember my 5 yr old nephew asking me weeks later why i wouldn't let anyone touch me.


From the day that I was first tested with the HIV Rna, i have been undetectable.


Its amazing the lengths a soul will travel in its search to experience love. and find it one day in the most mundane moments and places. like lightning flashing from east to west; so comes the insight.


Edited by Hoss (07/25/17 12:51 PM)
_________________________
Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh
Ahea Asher Ahea
Neti, Neti
Tat Tvam Asi
Ahmi Yat Ahmi
Nuk Pu Nuk
All in all
You're not just a drop in the ocean. You're a whole ocean in a drop. - rumi
He who wishes to be greatest must be a friend to all.

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#513767 - 07/25/17 10:56 AM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Hoss]
Hoss Offline


Registered: 07/23/17
Posts: 53


Edited by Hoss (07/25/17 12:52 PM)
_________________________
Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh
Ahea Asher Ahea
Neti, Neti
Tat Tvam Asi
Ahmi Yat Ahmi
Nuk Pu Nuk
All in all
You're not just a drop in the ocean. You're a whole ocean in a drop. - rumi
He who wishes to be greatest must be a friend to all.

Top
#513776 - 07/25/17 02:00 PM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Hoss]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/14/16
Posts: 2968
Loc: Minnesota
(((Hoss))) added burden, add to that, ongoing societal ignorance... we hide as it is. I know hugging you would be right where I go to, but, even that, I have to wait for the sensitivity about touch from your need for boundaries. Double whammy!! Damn!! My virtual hug though, that one doesn't go to far into your space, and it's heartfelt in offering.

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#513778 - 07/25/17 02:17 PM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Ceremony]
Hoss Offline


Registered: 07/23/17
Posts: 53
Thank you for the positive thoughts.
_________________________
Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh
Ahea Asher Ahea
Neti, Neti
Tat Tvam Asi
Ahmi Yat Ahmi
Nuk Pu Nuk
All in all
You're not just a drop in the ocean. You're a whole ocean in a drop. - rumi
He who wishes to be greatest must be a friend to all.

Top
#513784 - 07/25/17 03:48 PM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Hoss]
Tom E. Offline


Registered: 01/08/17
Posts: 641
Loc: FL
That pisses me off... being drugged and raped is bad enough, but being given HIV, ..break every bone in that bastards body.

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#513788 - 07/25/17 04:23 PM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Tom E.]
Hoss Offline


Registered: 07/23/17
Posts: 53
no, drugging. I was molested/raped between the ages of 11-18. Mental and physical abuse before, during, and mentally afterwards. I contracted the disease after the molestation/rape. I'm an incest survivor. I was prostituting myself for affection. After the counselor gave me the news regarding the HIV test, I lost consciousness because of the shock.


At that time, it was a death sentence.




Edited by Hoss (07/25/17 04:32 PM)
_________________________
Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh
Ahea Asher Ahea
Neti, Neti
Tat Tvam Asi
Ahmi Yat Ahmi
Nuk Pu Nuk
All in all
You're not just a drop in the ocean. You're a whole ocean in a drop. - rumi
He who wishes to be greatest must be a friend to all.

Top
#514917 - 08/23/17 07:51 PM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Hoss]
manipulated Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/25/14
Posts: 815
Loc: Great Lakes Wine Country
Hoss

Glad you are undetectable. I would have passed out in shock too and NEVER would I have let a nephew or niece or any other person touch me after that back then. I still hold the Perp responsible - would you have even thought of selling yourself if the perp didn't take you first? I hope he is long dead as is the perp in my past. (My past NOT my perp).

Thank you for the strength to post and share here.
_________________________
.Be who you are and say what you feel
...............Because those who mind don't matter
............And those who matter don't mind.
.......................-- Dr. Seuss

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#528477 - 10/27/18 08:51 PM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Hoss]
Esterio Offline


Registered: 07/11/17
Posts: 540
Loc: south west coast canada bc
HI Hoss

I am glad to know you are undetectable as well. Passing out when getting the news is understandable. I am sorry for what happened to you. I feel very fortunate to be alive. So many I was with in the late 70's through the 80's are gone now to aids.

I am glad you are here you are not alone and none of this was your fault

Esterio
_________________________
Peace be safe.

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#528480 - 10/28/18 07:56 AM Re: Marked for Death [Re: Hoss]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 4200
Loc: VIRGINIA
Hoss

I am glad you are well and undetectable. Maybe one day the cure will be here but you have peace knowing you have health. I am sorry all you endured and as others have said being raped is horrific but to then have to carry the burden of an illness because of the rapists actions is so wrong.

Take care of yourself and wish you continued health.

Kevin

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