I have been on this site for about 4 years. Today I was shown a post that I put up in the very early stages of coming to terms with my abuse. I have never posted my story and not sure I ever will, I keep it locked in a box in my T’s office and only bring it out when I have help to guide my way thru it. I am sorry about this I know lots of men like to relate to each other in sharing and that is awesome. I have shared with individuals in PM and that seems to feel safe to me.
The road is long and really scary and at times non existent. Where I am at today looks amazing. My marriage is headed down a good path, my 4 children are thriving I really love my career all in all it’s amazing. All those things were around when I was hurting I just couldn’t see past my pain to appreciate them now I can. The pain is still there and that isn’t just a word I mean I feel the pain physically. However having some useful skills to handle the pain has made the difference. Along with the right combination of meds.
I have bad days and things can cause me to flash back. I still am scared to death of physical contact from a man and that can be as little as a hand shake. I see me T monthly and if I need more I go more learning self care has been so important. I only recently got back on MS I think I can view things here differently now I see things I didn’t see before and it is great..
Probably doesn’t make much sense but it’s ok I just wanted to type.
Today is a good day and now it is time stamped
Keep fighting my friends it does get better
Either get to living or get to dying!!!!! Shawshank redemption