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#52391 - 07/26/03 06:38 PM Re: blacken soul
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
Each time we drive them back, denying them the strength we have. Each time they grow weaker, for we are united and they can never be. They have no substance, only shades of the past, memories of pain endured.

They cannot die yet they will not rule. Before our shared determination they wither to the wraiths they are, slinking to their proper places in the past at our command.

Sunlight breaks over the mountain in the east. A new day is born.

"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#52392 - 07/26/03 07:49 PM Re: blacken soul
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
This has been a very remarkable post started by Blacken. The depth of the pain and anger is palpable ( big word for me).

The beast can never be allowed to win and truly deserves all the hate and fury we can muster. And one day when the beast is toothless and blind and merely a shadow of itself we will no longer feel the pull. Knowing that it can never be in the sunshine like ourselves will mean that WE IN FACT HAVE OVERCOME ITS HORROR.

May all our beasts rot blind toothless and cold to the light of day.



#52393 - 07/26/03 09:16 PM Re: blacken soul
Don-NY Offline

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Sunlight breaks over the mountain in the east. A new day is born.
The boys run off to play and grow their dreams.

The men bury the ashes and make the clearing larger. More will come this night. All will fit.

If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

#52394 - 07/27/03 12:26 AM Re: blacken soul
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Oh Blacken,
how I envy the anger you express, it's something I can't find and I believe I need to do it.

Carry on my friend, curse and carry on all you want, let it out, share it with us all.

Hate the bastards all you need !


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#52395 - 07/27/03 03:20 PM Re: blacken soul
blacken Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1909
Loc: Northern Ohio

What exactly was going on here?! I want to know. I want to understand your thinking at the time you decided it would be fun to hold me down & lick my ass!!!!

Telling me you had "desires", "Sexual needs" doesn’t cut it. So do I, But I am NOT out here Raping boys, Or ANY one else!

I woke up this morning to that memory. The sheet got wrapped around me & triggered this recollection. Being wrapped like a Burrito in my sheet. Tightly. The slurping sounds. The mumbling in Italian. The muffled laughter. Wetness. Sticky.

All this reflecting gives me insight into all this. These are NOT the memories I should have of my Dad! Why did you do it?! What was seemingly so addictive that you could Not (or Worse) Did Not want to stop. You must have known this was wrong...You didn't care about what society says is Right or Wrong. You had been a rebel all your life, doing many things to survive, to get what you needed & wanted. I guess it was not such a far leap of behavior for you. You must not have seen it as anything different than what you had been doing all the time.

I was just one more thing to serve your desires at the time. Why did You molest me...Perhaps Because you could, and you didn’t see it as something actually bad. You had been making up the rules for yourself for a very long time.

But still, why have "sex" with your son? I guess it wasn't sex to you. It was just something, fun? Or did you enjoy the ability to part-take in a taboo activity?

You used my fear of you, my ignorance of all this, to what? Did you realize I would grow up? It didn't matter. For you it seemed a million years away. "Now" was what mattered.

"Now" matters to me too. Yet, I need to understand what your thinking was "then". So I will feel safe in the future & be at peace with my past...

Thanks Dad, Sincerely, Your Blacken Son...

#52396 - 07/27/03 06:01 PM Re: blacken soul
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Blacken, I am saddened that you had to endure this awful violation. I am sorry your father, did not be a father to you.
Boys need a father to help them know how to be a man. My Dad never abused me. He just neglected me most of the time.

Do you think they will ever understand the "why" of their actions? You say it so well: we all have desires and even needs. But that does not give us the right to violate someone else to take care of it.

I can't understand how anyone can harm a child in anyway. It is unnatural. Our nature makes adults want to care for kids, help them grow well, and enjoy being alive. It is really hard to enjoy life, when our only purpose for some other person is to provide a butt to pleasure him. We really need to let it go, as best we can, and make something good out of the time left to us. That is the reason I am here today, and it has helped a lot, but there seems to be such a loooong trail ahead to living always in the light. I just need to keep the hope alive that it is possible.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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