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#520019 - 01/13/18 05:49 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I don't want to go to beiil anymore. I never did.i has hast my ate thinking. over there. my voices. and I am scred of touching. I don't want to know him. and I know he smiles for bilie. well weha is it that I need. money !!!! I don't want to work. o I want to make money off helping. so then ? what my I adon tmy mom to know what I want. why? b/c she isn't my mom. bilie put thing snt m life. like? lke I will kill myself if this happens. the thing is I don't know who to talk to. I cant change my life. I cant change my life I cant bhmy

this is soooo. hard. esp. that I cant live where I am.
I like red too much to let her go.
I am screwed. I really am. and it isn't getting easier.
I am killing more cockroaches.
this is not a home to me.
I have to admire him. like oh you are soo great kiril I cant you. think this way. look at you? you are a king! you have to have it all. I have to eat. I mean , really its so nice that you are perfect, and I am not. I have to be weak for you , for bilie. , oh , and maybe today I will die. maybe I will tell shawn okay you aren't perfect and you cant have to get my the trash. or maybe I m trying hard to be good to everyone and it wont happen! maybe I hs should k sut my
my self. and lge tmy sd;lkfjadsfjklf
maybe I can bmay I cant find a way to help them. maybe I should but then what about them? what about them? who e wilil hate my
then. thehn what? who wiil l say what to? what about my
m. me. me me me. always about em hey james ? you self sih fuck you always think about you. never anyone else you have to have a place to live and be clean , and kind. you cant be a dick like someone you know. you cant just give in and let shawn win. why are you so great? why should I have it.? right. ya.
so just another day.

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#520022 - 01/13/18 06:08 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
no. but i am on disability and i live a wonderufl guy who doesnt want to clean , or take out the trash. and we never talk. oh its beautiulf. its all my life. love. got to love life. . right charles? eyp. need to know my stoooooooohrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrri ahahahah the never ending story
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geVYIHOat5o
I am a loser. I am a loser.
no. i have my brain. i want to have some fun. why should my sperm donor have it all? right? yea.





TRIGGERING SORRY. EVEN WHEN I READ TRIGGER I WILL TRY TO
READ. OR ATTEMPT. HOW IS THAT FOR A LITTLE MORE FORMAL ENGLISH.
NOT OXFORD MATERIAL BUT I WILL TAKE VOCATIONAL??
ANYWAY I SAY A SENTENCE HERE THAT IS TRIGGERING
SO MY APALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZ!




no headphones. no music.
earning. patick I would lke to see your dcik I needed to see that
so this that way. I don't want to look to mwatmy thatm dad know
that I want to see it. cuz I hed otan want my to know me
he wants me to loke guys. but then I have to keep ti queit
sorry my spelling. I my mind works for them. I jhave to be
aware that they are not here.. but they kept telling me how I need them. so I had to pretend to be here. or . not . I g
understand why I need someone to hold me.
last night I folded my pillow in half and squeezed it hard.
It felt right. but I still worry that someone will take me.
So . I don't know how to make friends. I am worried.
but I am also jealous.

HARD to know that. ;asldjkfl;dasfjkfkl get back to my
research on car insurance
why car insurance
participating in a focus group.
if I had a mom and dad I wouldn't be doing this.
ah. but I also wouldn't be living here and I wouldn't have
the presents I have by listening to other men.
mmmmhmm. you know james sometimes I just want to whack you one!
y'know you think you know your shit! really you are no different from the homeless....
I like that.
but. you cant hit me. you are typing.
maybe that would be a nice invention andddddddd.
if you can have to hands , rubber hands hiding in the monitor
and then you type something and WHAM! . that would a hilarious reaction from the user.
I need amy my life. yea nobody is stppoiing stopping me
from living.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.


Edited by Sterling (01/13/18 06:13 PM)

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#520023 - 01/13/18 06:16 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
THAT'S THE PROBLEM. I
am not to know who is gay.
that is the problem. they robbed my identity.
I would love to do something.
where everyone who I am related to just hates me!
"how can he let us down? how could he do this?
why couldn't he just die?"
f;lkjasd;fkljdf;aklsjfaf;jakslfafa
fadlf;kadf;lkjdsafl;kjd

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#520025 - 01/13/18 06:21 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
it doesn't bother me that I can be attracted to guys.
but. I never had my genitals. you see.
yea, this is gross james. we don't need to hear...
and..ddddd
the things is the anger ,stays. I have to be accountable t for
them. I had to listen.
gay this gay that. I don't want to be , or feel homophobic.
I have to leave that place.
so its like I am alone . it sisdf;klsdaj;aklfjsdaf;af
adfk;sdalfjad;fkljasd;fkljasdf;lasdjkf
comme ci comme ca. or sdf;lkasdjf;kljf greed. me greedy
me want to feel loved. me want to be successful.
what do . what? ;saldjkfd;fjkl sdkjlf;ds d;slkfj
I also. I get this fear , that I am dating a woman
and if I tell her that I have attraction to guys.
that she will tease me.
your shit culture sucks to you tease me. your bilie teaseses me
and that's why you guys are losers. you have to hate me.
and then I have to go these wonderful groups and make me look dumb. and its a cry for help and you .... ah didn't do anything. I have to care about me. that s why you suck.
;asldkjfsa;dlkjdsfk;ls.sd f;asdklfjds;fkl dsfdf
sdfkjds;f;sdklfj dreamer I am noting but a dreamer I loved
that song as a kid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUdhaDCvPWY

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#520031 - 01/13/18 07:08 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada

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#520037 - 01/13/18 09:47 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
some. t I cant think thru. I always can see her as if I am
her.
THATS great. I need
help. I have to let her go
I have to let her go
fuck. whatdfjklasd;lkjds;dasjfsa
df'asdjkfalkj

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#520137 - 01/17/18 01:07 AM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
he can get attention.
weh will stiop. I jwat y my freedom.
I feel like they always beat me.
where are my folks?

I wish I could. I am good.
I am trying to find a place.
its heavy, what I am going thru.
very exhausting. thank God I slept last night.
I think I am going to do work on my idea.
if it doesn't work , hey I tried... but I will do my
homework.
thanks for your time.
ms
j

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#520142 - 01/17/18 03:00 AM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 2229
Loc: Minnesota
(((James))), I hope for you.

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#520173 - 01/17/18 08:21 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Thanks Rick.
I love you.

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#520203 - 01/18/18 09:51 PM Re: i dont love you. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1964
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada


TRIGGERING IN A VIOLENT WAY...
SO PLEASE TAKE CAUTION WHEN ....
and remember that this is my trauma, shit that they
done. So whatever you read , keep it in my post...
don't take it as if you should sympathize where you
can get stressed!
Thanks.








thank u god


god. wasnt here. i have to kide dn teilmy mom bozna taeach me to kill my mother.

I couldn't talk.
I am getting there, slowly.
my mom cant know.


you can kill your family. i know i care. but to ???



these are voices I have to address and deal with them
thing is , I cant really make a friend cuz of this.
It seems whenever I make a friend....I see that
a person can make me stupid.
So.....I love people.....everyone who I meet.
But I get frightened , of someone taking my self-esteem
and abandoning me.
So.....thanks for everyone.



he needed me. that is ....

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