It was a normal day in the life of 6 year old me. Enjoying summer vacation, I was convinced that life itself was precious gift in which i would strive to never take advantage of. Until this fateful day in June of 1997. Playing in my bedroom that was shared by myself and my step brother who is 9 years older, when he and four friends came back to our house. Both of my parents were working, and we were under the very lax supervision of my grandparents. The five of them entered the room and it was business as usual, until I heard one of them chuckle and say "I bet we can get him to do it". I cant fully remember what transpired immediately after that statement. Though i will never forget what unfolded. They each laid out on the floor lounging will pillows under their heads relaxed when my brother pulled his pants down and beckoned me over to him. I was confused, but had never any reason before this moment to question his trustworthiness. A firm hand grabs the back of my neck and forced my head towards his fully exposed genitals, instructing me to put it in my mouth. They convinced me it was a game called doctor where i was just healing him with the act i was performing. Then all five of them, laid across the floor, pants around their ankles, passing me around until they were each satisfied. Our little secret they said. Don't tell anyone or we will kill you. Though the game didnt end. At least not for four years. My brother lived with us part time, and he would make sure he got his everytime he was home. Eventually the oral sex wasnt enough. One day while getting dressed, my brother stopped me from putting my pants on. Laying me down on the bed, he put himself inside me. I tried to scream from the pain, but he shoved my face into the matress and repeatedly scowled "Shut up or ill give you something to cry about". Though, i was already crying, bleeding, and scared. The abuse continued for a few years. Escalating each time.I didnt go crazy on detail because Im still not convinced this is a good idea. Now at 27, I am haunted by all of this more than ever. Night terrors and cold sweats limit me to about 2 hours of sleep per day. Depression has taken over and caused me to lose my job. Debt is piling up and i just feel like im in quicksand. I was told about this forum years ago and never participated due to shame. But i am at a crossroads in my life, and i just want to be normal again. Any advice at this point outside of the normal "its not your fault" is greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time and I wish anyone reading this well.