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#519389 - 12/28/17 07:04 PM Out
AOAN72 Offline


Registered: 10/24/17
Posts: 41
Loc: Simi Valley, California
Well here goes
I am a gay man.
I accept that I have been in a relationship with my wife for over 20 years, and will continue to support my son. I owe it to myself and to both of them. I was of course raised to believe that being gay was a choice. While I have work to do on myself the old beliefs are crashing down. I still wonder though, was I able to mask my true feelings because of the abuse? Have I been dealing with the trauma by avoiding same sex relationships? It is what it is, but I am gay, that much is certain.
It is not a choice, I thought I might have been bisexual but after more soul searching I don’t think so. The idea of being with a woman in no way is bad, but I don’t think I fit into it on a deeper level.

I am happy to at least have that much figured out about myself 😎🏳️‍🌈
_________________________
Acceptance and love.
Jim

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#519390 - 12/28/17 07:41 PM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
Jer Online   content


Registered: 03/26/16
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
Thanks for sharing! I hope the realization is good for you.

Jer
_________________________
"Many people claim that honesty is the best policy then get offended when you tell them the truth."

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#519394 - 12/28/17 09:05 PM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 2223
Loc: Minnesota
Hey AOAN72, that's progress.

I'm glad you're finding yourself.

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#519396 - 12/28/17 09:18 PM Re: Out [Re: Ceremony]
AOAN72 Offline


Registered: 10/24/17
Posts: 41
Loc: Simi Valley, California
A hard fought battle. The war is not done.

Have to figure out next moves, but I have very limited resources


Edited by AOAN72 (12/28/17 09:59 PM)
_________________________
Acceptance and love.
Jim

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#519400 - 12/28/17 10:37 PM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 418
Loc: PA, USA
AOAN72,

Accepting your truth is huge!
Congratulations
_________________________
Bri
Owning It https://owningitlog.wordpress.com

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#519419 - 12/29/17 08:26 AM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
LoneWolfX Offline


Registered: 08/04/17
Posts: 293
I really hope you are proud of yourself. Your actions are truly courageous.

Take that courage and go forth!

Take care.
LwX

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#519423 - 12/29/17 12:00 PM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
SDD757 Offline


Registered: 10/08/17
Posts: 177
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Thanks for sharing! I believe it will still be a journey for you and this is only the beginning. We are here to help anyway we can...

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#519440 - 12/29/17 04:32 PM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
AOAN72 Offline


Registered: 10/24/17
Posts: 41
Loc: Simi Valley, California
Thanks guys, I really need the positive right now. I keep beating myself up with my thoughts on how this is all going to play out with my wife and son, and the dissolution of my marriage. It is heartbreaking but I can’t deny my feelings. I don’t think it is fair to expect my wife to be ok with an open relationship either. We are best friends and I don’t want to lose that. With her insecurities she has before we met, she made me promise that I wouldn’t cheat on her. She said she would rather me leave first. I feel I have to honor that especially because this is all my fault or at least it seems to me that it is.
_________________________
Acceptance and love.
Jim

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#519444 - 12/29/17 05:01 PM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3855
Aoan72

I hope you find peace now that you have come to terms with your inner feelings and orientation. I hope it helps you to heal from the abuse.

The abuse can mess with our thoughts of sex and our orientation. This is why many survivors re-enact their abuse. The re-enactment does not define orientation but rather to many a way to relive or gain control over their abuse--but in reality it does not resolve the issues. Enjoy your life because it is your life.

Kevin

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#519563 - 01/01/18 07:14 AM Re: Out [Re: AOAN72]
AOAN72 Offline


Registered: 10/24/17
Posts: 41
Loc: Simi Valley, California
I am still blown away that I "experienced" my attraction to my wife the way I have. I am thinking it was an emotional attraction for something I didn't have? I would really appreciate if someone could let me know or even PM me what genuine attraction feels like? Since I have been in a relationship for over 20 years and think I have mis-interpreted my feelings for that long or longer, I need something to compare what a healthy complete attraction feels like, if that makes sense?

Happy New Year
_________________________
Acceptance and love.
Jim

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