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#51596 - 05/29/05 11:20 AM Help. Need advice/Wisdom...
Whicker Offline

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Pastures of Oregon
I have recently learned that my Mother's third Husband has sexually assaulted or attempted to, all four of my younger Siblings.
When my younger Sister first came out about his abuse, none of us believed her. I will carry that shame to my grave!
I have learned from other Family members that my younger Brothers were also traumatized by this person.

I want, desperately, to kill this SOB...

Yet, reality anchors me. I have mine-own Family to support/provide for, and can not do that dead or in a jail cell.

Being a victim of SA puts me in a unique perspective with what my sibs are going through.

I don't know what to do, though I am strongly compelled to do a very drastic thing.

Any advice/Wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You, in advance.


Esse Quam Videri
(To be, rather than to seem)

#51597 - 05/29/05 05:44 PM Re: Help. Need advice/Wisdom...
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Whicker, you must have pretty strong feelings about this SOB.

You dont want to rot in a jail for doing what you really feel like doing.

Can you make a case against him, with the cops?
There arent many choices that I can think of, but you must feel pretty angry with him, and also with yourself.

You should not carry the guilt, it is not your burden. It sucks when we have to carry their guilt and shame,


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#51598 - 05/30/05 03:07 AM Re: Help. Need advice/Wisdom...
Sinking Offline

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
How horrible, seems there's never any sign of an end to this mess. I can understand your anger but am glad you're being rational. Hurting him won't help anyone, though I empathize with the impulse to do it. But leave him alone.

You don't say whether or not the kids are still in the situation of being hurt by him. If so, you need to act immediately to get them to a safe place or have him removed from where ever they are living. Consult authorities on this, Department of Child Welfare, police, talk to anyone but don't try to handle it yourself. If you need help finding the right people to talk to, PM me and I will help. The children's safety has to be the top priority. If they are already in a safe place, good.

Once the children are physically safe, they will need counseling. The earlier the abuse is dealt with, with the help of a qualified therapist, the less damage will be done. If they are to carry their pain and secrets, like so many of us have, for years, the damage will be much more severe. If you have a therapist, ask for help in finding the appropriate therapy for the children. Even if they are grown children, they will need therapy.

If all of the above has been taken care of, talk to an attorney or to law enforcement or your prosecutor's office about pursuing criminal charges. Just don't, for your sake, the sake of your family and the sake of your siblings, please don't take matter into your own hands. Please let me know if I can be of help. - John

#51599 - 05/31/05 02:44 AM Re: Help. Need advice/Wisdom...
eyesopen Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: New England
Whicker, very difficult indeed.

You shouldn't blame yourself for not believing at first when she came out - you were just using common sense and decency as your rule set.

The big thing is to get this person away from anyone he can harm, legally. Please try and put your anger, grief, etc. into that effort.

I don't know you/what you do, but it may be a good time to join a health club, take up boxing, start running, etc. to drain off some excess energy.

You do know this better then most, show your humanity and wisdom by being an anchor for the others that are suffering in this.

I feel badly you have to deal with this, you cannot change the past, no matter how harsh your actions, all you can do is help heal in the now, so you can all go ahead into the future with the least amount of crap to carry around.

Best wishes,

Only in growth, reform, and change paradoxically enough, is true security to be found.

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

#51600 - 05/31/05 03:11 AM Re: Help. Need advice/Wisdom...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
if you dispense your 'justice' then he gets a free ride, you go to jail. Real justice has to done the right way, and Danny talks a lot of sense.

I can't begin to imagine your anger, but don't blame yourself. Don't we all know just how devious abusers are ?

take care

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau


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