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#51574 - 03/10/03 04:54 AM I'm new here........
taipan Offline

Registered: 03/09/03
Posts: 57
Loc: CT
I'm 40 years old and have been propelled into an emotional crisis by separating from my wonderful wife (tears). The separation has caused my long buried emotions to hit me like a freight train. I feel anxious, abandoned, alone, guilt ridden, and devastated that I may lose everything that is important to me (my wife, kids, and home). I've been experiencing severe anxiety attacks and have finally begun to see a therapist. The pain and loneliness is overwhelming. I love, admire and respect my wife with all my heart. I pray I can find a way through this hell so I can offer her a mutually satisfying relationship, and just maybe she will give us another chance. I've realized anxiousness and coping mechanisms have ruled my life. Now I'm suffering with the feelings I've suppressed since I was sexually abused (as an adolescent almost 30 years ago), and the additional feelings of being separated from someone I love very much. Now that I am suffering with the feelings, I donít know what to do with them. How do I get past all this and become whole again? Iím sure it will be a very painful process, but I am committed to it. I hope life can begin again at 40, and that I don't end up spending the rest of it alone.

#51575 - 03/10/03 02:22 PM Re: I'm new here........
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

Welcome to MS. You're in a good place for the bad things that bring you here, believe me.

Can life begin again at age 40? Yes! For me life began again for me less than 2 years ago, at almost age 45. This was when after years of therapy all the buried memories of my CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) began to crash to the surface and then flood my life with the feelings & pain you speak of. This was when I finally began to move from victim to survivor.

That you have begun therapy is very important. If you can find a support group of other male SA survivors, I encourage that strongly also. I just finally found a group myself, and it's been very helpful.

Here on the MS homepage there are links to lots of good articles for male SA survivors, and plenty
of good books thru our bookstore.

Also keep posting here. You will find a great brotherhood of fellow male survivors here who have had a lot of feelings & experiences at least somewhat like your own. Some like you are just starting in recovery, some have been on the path many years; all of us are here for each other--and now that means you, my friend.

Take care Taipan


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#51576 - 03/10/03 04:37 PM Re: I'm new here........
PeteT Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 28
Loc: Michigan

Our stories are similar. Two years ago my wife and I were at each other's throat. I was about to loose everything when I told her I had been SA by my stepdad in my adolescent years. For 35 years I had kept the abuse bottled up inside of me.
My wife did not know why I was the way I was and was going to leave me when I told her about the SA. It wasn't easy for me. I had the same types of feelings that you have had, lonliness, guilt, severe depression, sadness, and I was so confused: . I thought my life was over, but it wasn't. I started T and for the first time ever I felt like there was hope. I have been seeing a T for two years now and I am just starting to understand myself.
Yes, it is a long and very painfull process. It's not easy to face all those secret memories. The best thing to do is keep talking about it. You will find there's more support out there than you would ever imagine. One of the best things I've found, except for my therapist, is MS \:\) .
Remember you are not alone. Continue to post and chat and you will see that many of the feelings you have are similar to other SA victims. We are here for each others support.


#51577 - 03/10/03 09:39 PM Re: I'm new here........
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
the only way through the pain is to share it.

If you haven't told your wife then please try, it's the hardest thing in the world I know, but sharing our 'secret' is the best way of destroying it.

Like the other guys say, therapy and proffesional help is the way to go. How long have you tried to repair the damage on your own with little success ?
I went 31 years, and proper help has turned my life around.

It's not easy, and there isn't a cure. I'd be lying if I said there was. But there is a good life waiting for us.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#51578 - 03/11/03 06:34 AM Re: I'm new here........
RickL Offline

Registered: 03/16/02
Posts: 84
Loc: Oregon
Welcome Taipan,

I too was 40 when my wife and I separated. That was almost 6 years ago. We are each living our own lives now, but I could not have learned and grown as I have unless I had been on my own. I truly hope that you can work things out, but if not, you will grow. Trust me on that one.

I knew about my sexual abuse, but had minimized it. I've only in the last 1-1/2 years seen how it has affected me and my life in a huge way. Please don't minimize its impact on your life. It's a very big deal!

Welcome. You will indeed become whole again. Keep coming back!



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