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#515494 - 09/21/17 10:50 PM Compassion
Banjo596 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 91
Loc: Ohio
Because I have felt nothing but compassion in all my dealings with everything Male Survivor, and I believe in compassion. http://buildcompassion.com
_________________________
Jeff

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#515531 - 09/22/17 07:11 PM Re: Compassion [Re: Banjo596]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2743
Like you, I also believe in compassion. I have two questions, but please do not read them as rhetorical or leading in any way - they are genuine questions untinged by any judgement:

1) Do you have compassion for your abuser?

2) How do you define compassion? Is it different than forgiveness?
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#515533 - 09/22/17 09:46 PM Re: Compassion [Re: Banjo596]
AuthenticMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 323
I'm not sure if your post was directed to Banjo, but I thought I'd jump in and give you my thoughts on your questions. First, yes I do have compassion for the abuser. He was the stepson of a very wealthy but dysfunctional friend of my mother's. He did not grow up in a loving, nurturing environment - he was not a happy child or adult. More importantly, however, I realized a while ago that in order to live in a more compassionate world, I needed to be more compassionate myself. If I want to be treated with compassion, then I need to treat others likewise. Compassion can be a difficult topic for survivors of CSA because there are so many other emotions (self-love, anger, grief) that need to be honored before compassion for abusers. The main point I'd like to make about compassion in the context of CSA is that it's probably more helpful to have compassion for ourselves before anyone else, let alone anyone who has traumatized us. Additionally, each of us has experienced various degrees of CSA, which can make compassion for an abuser more difficult.

As to your second question, I define compassion as a feeling of sympathy for another person or another person's suffering. It's different than forgiveness for me because forgiveness implies that the person whom I'm forgiving has wronged me or someone I care about in some way, whereas I can feel compassion for someone I don't even know. They are both the same in that they are for my own well-being, not anyone else's.

How would you answer your questions?

Lome

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#515557 - 09/23/17 05:18 PM Re: Compassion [Re: Chase Eric]
Ceremony Online   confused
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1903
Loc: Minnesota
One of my biggest strugglesis compassion for self. I have some for that boy who molested me, he was a friend first. None for the men who raped me.

To me, I need a tiny flicker of it from any close to me. Unfortunately... I have too many tears.
_________________________
Finding ways to cope with my mind!

https://youtu.be/6nQc1ADbWLA
This is the story of my rape, posted on MS:
http://www.discussion.malesurvivor.org/b...1680#Post501680

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#515560 - 09/23/17 08:19 PM Re: Compassion [Re: Banjo596]
Tom E. Offline


Registered: 01/08/17
Posts: 405
Loc: FL
I have compassion & empathy... I'm trying to forgive myself. I'm trying to forgive my abusers too... but I still have a load of residual anger to work through.

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#515571 - 09/24/17 12:25 PM Re: Compassion [Re: Banjo596]
Banjo596 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 91
Loc: Ohio
I do have compassion for my abuser although it can be a struggle at times. I realize he was doing something that must have been done to him, as I child, I had no control over his actions which helps me to be self compassionate.
For me, compassion is very close to empathy. It's my ability to realize the suffering of another, not to judge them for it, and respectfully be there for them.
_________________________
Jeff

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#515590 - 09/24/17 09:52 PM Re: Compassion [Re: Banjo596]
AuthenticMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 323
One of the things that I did to help develop self-compassion was to put a picture of myself around the time of the abuse and contemplate how innocent and blameless I was. I would just take a few moments everyday and send love to little me.

This forum is overflowing with people who have immense compassion - all you have to do is read the responses to someone sharing their story or reaching out because they're having a rough time. The compassion of we who were traumatized at our most vulnerable never ceases to amaze me.

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#515605 - 09/25/17 03:47 AM Re: Compassion [Re: Banjo596]
LinEar Offline


Registered: 06/02/15
Posts: 338
Loc: USA
That's a good idea, AuthenticMe. I have a lot of trouble looking at any photos of myself as a kid. Hated to have my picture taken for years after the abuse. Been working with my inner child in therapy and this is definitely something I'm going to bring up.
_________________________
Spotlight...get me out of this spotlight.


My silence is my self-defense.

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#515616 - 09/25/17 03:32 PM Re: Compassion [Re: Banjo596]
AuthenticMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 323
Hi LinEar - Please let us know how it goes. For me, it was like my inner child's development had been frozen in time because of the trauma. Relating to him through the photo helped me thaw him out of his frozen state. At times, I would just look at the photo and cry for that little boy. Glad to hear you've got support.

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