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#515569 - Yesterday at 08:27 AM What If...
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 336
Loc: PA, USA
What if I would have been comforted and nurtured after the assault? As so many have, I carried my shame in silence. What would have it been like if it was talked about? What if I could have allowed my parents to see what it did to me? Let them hear the conclusions I came to. Let them hear the hate gnawing at me. Could love have redirected my course? If they would have seen how horrible it was for me. What would it have been like to have said something out loud ?
I hid it. I know it leaked out, but I never gave them anything to bite on to. I taught them well to ignore the occasional dropping. The rancid elephant crowding the room would eventually deflate.
What if I never doubted my boyhood? Would I have been a jock? Would I have been an athlete, honed and confident? Could I have been sensitive and kind?
I will never know. But the questions tell me who I want to be and where I am heading.

What does your What if look like?
_________________________
Bri
Owning It https://owningitlog.wordpress.com

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#515570 - Yesterday at 12:11 PM Re: What If... [Re: BDD]
Dan99 Offline


Registered: 06/18/07
Posts: 151
Loc: Washington DC
What if my father had not died? What if my mother had not been so self-absorbed and swept up in grief? What if someone had blown the whistle on a priest who was 'so good with children' before he got to me and my brother? What if I had been able to blow the whistle myself at a time when it mattered?

Would I be able to enjoy the simple pleasures of family and community that others take such pleasure from? Would I be less lonesome? Would I be content with the things I have rather than always grasping for more?

Good exercise. You remind me today that I have no more time for regrets. I've lost enough already. Time to look forward.
_________________________
Work like you don't need the money;
dance like no one is watching;
sing like no one is listening;
love like you've never been hurt;
and live life every day as if it were your last.

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#515575 - Yesterday at 12:51 PM Re: What If... is triggering for me [Re: BDD]
Ceremony Offline


Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1808
Loc: Minnesota
*


Edited by Ceremony (Yesterday at 02:00 PM)
Edit Reason: *

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#515579 - Yesterday at 04:26 PM Re: What If... [Re: Dan99]
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 336
Loc: PA, USA
Dan99,
I hope you are able to seek out and allow simple pleasures into your life. Our experiences may have stolen much. But as survivors we know how to scratch and claw for what we want.

Thank you for helping me see the value of the question by bring up regret. Regrets are talked about so negatively. And they are hard to be in. But if we can learn from them, use them as a compass towards our hearts, haven't we found a path to thrive on?
_________________________
Bri
Owning It https://owningitlog.wordpress.com

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#515593 - Yesterday at 11:47 PM Re: What If... [Re: BDD]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 323
Loc: MO
Hi BDD

What if, My mother asked if I liked being penetrated, I said no it hurt. She said then you are O K. I know other stories where the person (victim) was beaten for saying such terrible things about the priest.

I wish I were more hopeful about "What if" But as far as I know depression, a loss of simple pleasures, and isolation would have happened anyway. With us and perhaps a therapist life will get better.

Go with God

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#515608 - Today at 08:57 AM Re: What If... [Re: genedebs]
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 336
Loc: PA, USA
Hi Genedebs,

I hope life can get better for you. No matter how often you've tried, it is worth trying again and again.
_________________________
Bri
Owning It https://owningitlog.wordpress.com

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#515613 - 35 minutes 29 seconds ago Re: What If... [Re: BDD]
Older1 Online   content


Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 111
Spreadheets like Excel are great for "what-ifs". We can change one factor, and PRESTO..... a new scenario arises.
My own personal "what ifs" don't work like that. My past scenario is fixed and unchanging. I am the product of my past, and to a large extent, I am the product of my decisions and choices (for better or worse).
Of course, I do think back and fantasise about some possible alternate scenarios. It is fun to do so; to dream; to perhaps import some ideas into TODAY. But, for the most part, in my case I think it is non productive.
I also fear the retroflective thoughts can fill me with regrets, like "I wish I had ......"; those thoughts just add more weight to my baggage. Instead, I try to simply give myself some joy, playfulness, and positive pleasures for me today (in the present) while making some investments for happier days ahead.

There are at least THREE versions of the Serenity Prayer that are helpful to read. I like the longer ones.

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