A few things in your posts resonated with me and I figured I'd throw in my two cents.
As for the sexuality/abuse issue (does it make us gay?): my situation is a little complex. I was molested at an early age (6-9) by my older sister (13-16). After that, for the most part, I did not have sex again until I was 24. Since this new sex was with with men (and all other sex has been likewise), I always wondered in the back of my mind if what my sister did to me turned my desires away from women. I was definitely freaked out by the abuse and I figured it had to play a part.
After speaking with therapists and reading books, I've discovered that most educated professionals don't believe sexual trauma affects basic sexuality. Sure, abuse gives an entry into a world you might not have known intimately otherwise, but it doesn't determine anything completely.
Clinically speaking, people who advocate the idea that abuse affects sexuality would predict that I would not be gay since my abuser was a female. Instead, I would either retreat from sex, or exhibit Don Juanism. Neither were the case. After a three-year relationship, I did start having a lot of casual sex, but everything was with men.
Right now, I'm just beginning to really confront the incest/abuse. I did a little therapy two years ago and then brought it up to my sister soon after. After putting things on hold for a while, I'm now hoping to attend a group session soon. I'm just beginning to see how this has all really fucked up how I relate with people, and I'm hoping that some community will relieve the crushing anxiety I often have.
Okay, I'm rambling now. I was going to send this just to Lance, but I thought I'd just post it in general as I guess that is what this is for, no?
I'm pretty green to all this. Thanks for reading everybody.