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#514867 - 08/20/17 07:25 PM how do you report?
YutoG Offline


Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 17
Loc: UK
first off i don't know if this is something i actually want to do at all.. just been thinking the last few days whether its even possible for me to report??

so.... i was abused by my older male cousin from age 6 -10. i still see him regularly(ish). i was then abused by a teacher for about 2 years from age 13. he was expelled from the school for being in a relationship with another pupil but no one ever asked me anything. i was then in what i guess was an abusive relationship with a guy for 3 years while i was at uni. we weren't really together... just friends with benefits i guess. but it was very bad.

i just dont know how i even go about reporting any of them if i ever wanted to. im afraid to tell anyone about my cousin because i feel like my family would jsut say im making it up. i think if i reported the teacher theyd say im lying because he was expelled for being in a relationship with a girl in one of the higher years than me so theyd say it wasnt true because i was much younger and onviously a guy. and as for my 'relatioship' well i went back every single time and begged for it to keep happening. so thats hardly anyones fault but my own.

but even despite all that i do not know how you go about it. do you just call the police? and what happens when you do it? do they arrest them?

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#514869 - 08/20/17 07:46 PM Re: how do you report? [Re: YutoG]
bluesky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 702
Loc: NJ
YutoG

You are a brave man for wanting to do this and I think it is very commendable. I don't know if you are seeing a therapist/counselor to help you go through this difficult time but I would highly recommend that you do. Because not only can they be a good resource in the ins and outs of reporting but be a vital means of support when going through all of this with the police and the courts. Besides the justice that you deserve you also deserve to heal and get all the support and help you need to heal and live your life to its fullest.
Best wishes for healing and peace.
_________________________
Bluesky

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Frank Herbert

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#514871 - 08/20/17 08:11 PM Re: how do you report? [Re: YutoG]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/14/16
Posts: 2598
Loc: Minnesota
Yuto... I'm going to be in contact with a service that has some things I don't yet know how to describe. I want to private message you about it, Ok?

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#514874 - 08/20/17 08:34 PM Re: how do you report? [Re: YutoG]
YutoG Offline


Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 17
Loc: UK
Hi ceremony yes please.

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#514879 - 08/20/17 09:55 PM Re: how do you report? [Re: YutoG]
greenwizard Offline


Registered: 02/11/17
Posts: 497
Loc: PA
Yeah, you pretty much just call up the police and tell them you want to report abuse. The first thing you might want to do is check out the statute of limitations in your area. Here in Pennsylvania it is 12 years, but I'm sure it varies. So like maybe with your cousin it is too late anyway.

From my experience I can tell you what they did. First I had to go down to the police station to give my statement. I had to tell the officer everything that happened, and he asked a few questions to clarify some things. The case was then opened and they investigated. The officer assigned to my investigation questioned the woman who raped me, questioned people who saw me with her at the bar, and basically dug for the truth as best he could.

After all the data was collected it was sent to the District Attorney. When he decided to prosecute I had to go talk to him and tell him my story. Then he asked a bunch of questions like were there any skeletons in my closet that could be used to discredit me. Because yeah, often in cases that are he said she said the defense will bring up a DUI from 5 years ago and try to paint you as a drunken liar. There wasn't anything like that in my case, my worst offense has been driving a car with an inspection sticker that was a month expired.

I won't lie, it's an intimidating and scary thing. Support is very important for things like this. I wish you well.

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#514900 - 08/21/17 12:37 PM Re: how do you report? [Re: YutoG]
Dan99 Offline


Registered: 06/18/07
Posts: 191
Loc: Washington DC
This is one of those things I think is best done with the help of a therapist (and probably a lawyer). I had neither help me when I did it. I sorely wish I had someone in my corner to help me through what was a very stressful and ultimately unsatisfying experience.
_________________________
Work like you don't need the money;
dance like no one is watching;
sing like no one is listening;
love like you've never been hurt;
and live life every day as if it were your last.

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#514906 - 08/21/17 03:03 PM Re: how do you report? [Re: YutoG]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 4084
Loc: VIRGINIA
First YutoG it is never your fault. Your mind is manipulated and controlled by the abuser. Why did any of us ever go back without telling, fear, guilt, shame and mind control.

Reporting can be difficult depending on where the abuse occurred due to statute of limitations on criminal and civil charges. Do a quick search of the statute of limitations in the local where it occurred. Once you know this, talk to a lawyer to see if there are options. Therapists can help as can other professionals.

It is an emotional challenging situation to report to the authorities or institution. Make sure you have emotional support because it can become a roller coaster. It can be liberating and at the same overwhelming.

I wish you the best on whatever you decide. Reporting is your decision solely.

Take care

Kevin

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#514947 - 08/24/17 11:50 AM Re: how do you report? [Re: YutoG]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 416
Hi, I see you're from the UK, so none of the statute of limitations stuff people are talking about applies. It's never too late to report abuse here. You don't need to speak to a lawyer either. Even if this was to go to court, you'd be a witness, so at no point would you need a lawyer.

I spoke to someone at rape crisis about it (by email) and they talked me through what would happen. Actually I didn't originally speak to them about that, but that's where the conversation ended up going. I'd recommend doing that. I was under 16 at the time so I imagine reporting as an adult would be different to reporting as a child. With kids there is a joint investigation between the police and social work, so I was interviewed by both of them (at the same time).

Okay, I googled. This isn't the best link but it tells you to call 101 and they can put you through to a specially trained officer. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/signs-symptoms-effects/non-recent-abuse/

I'm not sure if the police would arrest your abusers right away, but they'd definitely be asked to attend the police station to be interviewed. The only other thing I'd add is that once you report it's pretty much out of your hands. The whole thing becomes about the crown prosecution vs the abuser. You just become a witness. It's really kind of a strange feeling, like you're just some cog in their machine. Like it's no longer about justice for you, it's about results for them. I hope that doesn't sound off putting. It's just something that surprised me at the time. I suppose I had the image of fighting my abuser in court, but actually it's just their lawyer fighting the CPS lawyer while the abuser sits there saying nothing and you're not even there. It can also be a very long process, and even when nothing is happening with the case (which is a lot of the time) it's still stressful having it hanging over you. I still think it can be a worthwhile thing to do though.

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