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#514074 - 08/02/17 05:20 AM Emotionally unavailable
Tryingtolive Offline


Registered: 02/15/15
Posts: 770
I've come to realize I lack an emotional bond to women.
I'm always wanting fill it with men.
Wether it's through acceptance or love.
No clue if the abuse makes me want to fill that void.
Or maybe that's just how Iam.
My attraction and interest always change.
And to me this is hard to deal with.
I don't have many women i talk too.
I think it's fear of mine to open up to a women.
Really be committed to a relationship.
I find women attractive.
But also have a strong SSA.
Where ever that leaves me on the sprectrum.
I don't identify with anything cause I haven't come to any terms with my own sexuality.

The thing that's makes no sense to me is.
I am in emotional man.
But very rarely show that side of me
Besides the breakdowns that lead me into therapy.
I haven't been too emotional.
And I don't think it's a weakness to be emotional as a man.
It's just not typical.
A fear of rejection from other males keeps me from being emotional.
I think women would be more supportive.
But also would make feel even more vulnerable.
I'm very intact with how I feel.
But it's too much energy hiding it.
I may appear strong and intimidating.
But I'm far from it.
I think society has molded me that way.
But for the most part.
I show no emotion.
And care about no one emotionally.
Cause I suppress my own.

I cant even identify relationships with just friends.
Likes who's my friend who's not.
Maybe I over analyze it too much.
But I see everyone on the same playing field if that makes sense.
I have a few close relationships with males but none I'm attracted to.
Which is confusing.
I just have no desire to try with women.
Cause I'm afraid and cut off from both.
And I honestly never tried in a long time to have some female friends.
Just a loner at heart I guess


I hope this makes sense to others

Has anyone else had this feeling?

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#514088 - 08/02/17 02:20 PM Re: Emotionally unavailable [Re: Tryingtolive]
Banjo596 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/20/13
Posts: 93
Loc: Ohio
I can relate to everything you are saying.
I guess, in my case, it tells me that I still have walls up, protecting myself.
Life long habits of hiding behind these walls are hard to break, but I know they are coming down. Some a bit slower than others.
It would seem to me, just by writing out what you did here, and in the poetry section, your walls are coming down too!

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