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#511329 - 05/30/17 01:49 PM Re: EFT Therapy [Re: KMCINVA]
Can_I_Do_This Offline


Registered: 05/17/17
Posts: 146
Loc: California
Kevin,

You're delving into some heavy, heavy stuff in your therapy and you're making breakthroughs one step at a time. I am sorry you are in such pain but your words give me courage. Your words also indicate you are a good man who is proactively taking his life back.

I try to look at deep emotional pain as an indicator of profound personal growth. You're on the right track.

(((Kevin)))
_________________________
My Truth Outweighs Your Disorder

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#511352 - 05/30/17 05:54 PM Re: EFT Therapy [Re: KMCINVA]
sorryson Offline


Registered: 05/31/14
Posts: 618
Kevin I am glad you posted. Your email did not say much and now i understand why you were having difficulty. I know I am not suppose to compare but my abuse seems like plain vanilla. What a pervert that priest was to you. You deserve care and love. Your friends sound great, your family as I said are a bunch of shitheads, I was one and kick myself everyday now because I hurt my Dad and myself to keep a woman who did not know how to be a wife only a daughter and sister. Her family made sure of that by teasing her and bullying of grandpa and all the bad things they said about others and laughed about it.

I was sick reading what you had to do. Your doctor is right, it is all the same abuse. You were being made to that to him. He had no right to make you take him that way or any way. Take care of yourself. Remember always welcomed here. You deserve to be loved and start loving yourself.

Paul

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#511371 - 05/31/17 07:03 AM Re: EFT Therapy [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 4229
Loc: VIRGINIA
Thanks and now I truly understand how complex healing can be. I thought I faced all of my past but I guess there are remnants of the abuse that I truly do not want to admit happened. I am slowly getting there. I am fearful my strength is gone to fight. I am exhausted beyond control. I cry and the thoughts of let it be over won't stop because I cannot face another day of feeling this way. Life should not be this battle to overcome something a child should never live. It has been for me.

I cannot stop thinking why did I take him and why didn't I just bite it off and it would have stopped. I did not bite it off and it makes me think I must have wanted this to be done. I gag and choke as I think of it. I will never get the physical motions and sensations of it happening out of my head. Maybe I am lucky I kept my eyes shut so I do not see an image. Not sure which is worse the physical memories of the body or an image.

I try to sleep then I start gagging like it is happening now. I know it is not. I am a wits end, no sleep. I was given something last week by the doctor and all it did was make my stomach jittery and hyper which did not help with sleep. I am a mess and trying not to fall into that desperate state I had last week. But I worry without sleep it will be beyond my control

Kevin

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