Those are huge questions that bring up a lot for me. Not identity, I was always attracted to guys. Because of depression, shock treatment and medication, my father was distant. As a kid, I only knew he didn't love me. I thought he hated me. It was a huge hole that my sexuality tried to fill. The hunger never went away.
Ugh writing this, I realized I won't let anyone near it. Not my platonic husband, ha our relationship was designed to keep me safe. My closest male friends are straight, we're close, but I know I'm needy and stand back. I've ignored it for so long. It hurts to fucking much. Sorry I derailed your post.
Before I got bummed out I wanted to say to you:
You are not sick. They infused you with so much poison you can't see yourself, but you are not sick.
PS. Whenever I see your name I read "Tryingtolove"