I have never had sex (yup, sad!), and I KNOW that I find lots of pleasure in penis fantasies. Unfortunately homosexuality goes against the beliefs of my family, and the religious upbringing my parents gave me.
But regardless of that, I want to share something with you that helped me. A mentor with a lot of sexual experience shared it with me. She said,
"You can have as much sex as you want, with whoever you want. But.. your orientation is who you fall in love with."
Based off of that, plus your relationship with a male spouse, I'd say you are probably gay!