@Green wizard, that is a great story, and also a good name, ---- are you named after the green wizard Carolinus in the flight of dragons film? A personal favourite of mine that one
If you've not come across it [url="C:\Users\Luke\Favorites\utube stuff\Flight of Dragons - Opening Sequence - YouTube.url"]Here is the opening sequence[/url] showing said wizard and one of his dragons.
My story is actually remarkably similar.
I was genophobic, (afraid of s/x), for years due to abuse as a teenager, mostly by girls. I couldn't even take my shirt off in public.
while the story of how my lady and I got together is rather different, also long, protracted and full of quite amusingly romance cliche moments, what happened was remarkably similar to what you describe.
I'd told my lady about the abuse and my genophobia, before we got together, I even asked her to give me my first kiss.
When we finally came to it, she was extremely patient and above all honest, indeed one of the things that helped hugely with my genophobia was simply understanding how much pleasure I could give her! that I wasn't automatically going to hurt someone just because of my feelings.
Discussions also let us discuss the mechanically, eg, what I would and would not find triggering, indeed I have probably told her more of what happened than anyone.
Some other things we've found helpful were reading Alex comfort's the joy of s/x together, and indeed his sequel, more joy, which not only gave us things to try out and let us discuss different preferences, moods, styles etc, but also gave us a rather better vocabulary for talking about what we did than the crass, unpleasant language that is usually used and was for me another part of my abuse.
she's also my best friend, heck we can just chat about books or duettes for hours (since we're both classically trained singers, which is actually part of how we met).
The fact that I'm out of the hole I've been stuck in for such a long time, is entirely due to my lady, and as of last July my lady is now my wife!
So I definitely understand just how valuable having someone you love to help with genophobia is, and congratulations.
As for what you say about her being a "domme" to be honest those sorts of rules are very flexible anyway, indeed this is one area where I quite liked comfort since rather than talking of one partner "dominating!" another, he talks of the "instrument" and the "player", even in more exotic scenarios, since it's just as much the player's job to give pleasure to the instrument as the other way around.
My lady and I tend to be fairly two way on such things, often switching roles, there is something of a %60 %40 bias in my lady's liking to be the instrument, but likely no more than that since I myself preer both roles.
It sounds like your lady Green wizard is both extremely kind, and also quite willing to talk over and explain things, and also be very much concerned with her love for you. Preferences in love making are like anything else you do together, always better when explained, discussed and understood between you, another reason I'd recommend reading Alex Comfort.
This is actually wy I realize both just different abuse is to making love done properly, turning a beautiful, intimate conversation into yelling insults at someone through a megaphone, and also why i realize that the traditional "man perform, woman passively give" nonsense " is indeed just outmoded, disgusting dehumanising utter crap, sexist on both counts.