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#506424 - 02/12/17 01:33 PM Not sure what to think
greenwizard Offline


Registered: 02/11/17
Posts: 155
Loc: PA
I already wrote everything out in detail in the survivor story boards, so I will keep this short. I met a woman at a bar, had 2 drinks as far as I can remember, woke up in her bed naked. What happened in between is a complete blank, though I can guess why I woke up not wearing any clothes.

Now, I have never been the promiscuous type. Sometimes I feel like I should turn in my man card for that. And ever since then being touched by a woman, especially in a sexual manner, makes me nervous. Strange women in general make me nervous. Even with my girlfriend who I have been with over a year now, I have to be the one to initiate sex when I feel comfortable or I freak.

From everything I've looked up, and especially the horrific stories I've read so far here, am I just being a paranoid prude, or did something bad actually happen?

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#506452 - 02/13/17 11:18 AM Re: Not sure what to think [Re: greenwizard]
Ceremony Online   confused


Registered: 09/14/16
Posts: 915
Loc: Minnesota
greenwizard, it must seem hard to accept the assault the way it unfolds in your experience and memory. I've read here, and know of others who were date raped or drug raped. I think it's very probable it happened to you.

You're sensitive since that night, and your girlfriend is understanding. A keeper! I suggest learning about men's reactions and emotions about female rape. It's also possible that woman is a predator? Leave that be as you process this for your healing.

I think you're in the right place. I think you can find resources and support here.

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#506469 - 02/13/17 06:58 PM Re: Not sure what to think [Re: greenwizard]
greenwizard Offline


Registered: 02/11/17
Posts: 155
Loc: PA
Yeah, my girlfriend is a definite keeper. I have pretty much kept this to myself because the few close friends I have told see the whole episode as a positive thing. I got laid. I didn't want to get laid.

I'm a fairly shy person. When I was going to a gym I always felt a little subconscious changing if there were other men in the locker room. To think that a woman I didn't know touched me in such a personal and intimate way while I was not fully in control myself, I just...

My girlfriend also thinks I was drugged with something. I mean, I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, and sometimes I don't remember everything when I've had a few, but I've never had a complete blank like this. Not before, and not since.

I've asked around the bar. The woman who did it, she's well known for sleeping around. I do have to wonder if she's done the same to other men, but I don't really know what I can do about it. I have no proof but my word. My girlfriend thinks I should go to the police and tip them off she might be doing this, but all the stories I've read, I'd probably just get laughed at like the rest of them.

It was my girlfriend who encouraged me to seek support, because while I have been feeling like some sort of unlucky freak show, she was pretty sure I'm not alone. I have to admit, before this happened I had the same attitude as a lot of people do. Sure, a man could rape a little boy, or even another man. But it seemed absurd that a woman could or would rape a man. It happened, and now I just feel like something is wrong with me, like I should have been able to prevent it.

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#506471 - 02/13/17 07:45 PM Re: Not sure what to think [Re: greenwizard]
Ceremony Online   confused


Registered: 09/14/16
Posts: 915
Loc: Minnesota
Hi again, I was asked if I would tell the police too. However, my rape (2 men) occurred 39+ yrs ago. And they were here on student visas. I have no idea who they were. But, the point is, I was given advice.

The people who first helped me are from something called Sexual Violence Center. That's its name here in the Metro of Minneapolis. I have been informed help like that isn't in every metro area. But, if you do have something like it, they're very important to contacting the police.

If you would call them, get an appt. and be clear about your needs, they are there to assist survivors in what is best done to talk to the police. I was informed, here, they know whom to call, a specific officer trained to assist victims. It's the best way. The advocate might even go with, but here they're not allowed to talk, just be present.

I wanted to tell you that, so you know that. I think if you did that, it does matter. Her name will be on their radar, and if another man tells them later, the evidence builds. I think it would be empowering, in that telling the police, having that report, it's possible she'll be caught in the future. That means you might testify in the future. Some brothers here think about it in an empowering way. Some others find it too overwhelming, your truth is valid and nobody has a right to push you!

Be well and kind to yourself.

I am trying to.





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#506473 - 02/13/17 08:02 PM Re: Not sure what to think [Re: greenwizard]
greenwizard Offline


Registered: 02/11/17
Posts: 155
Loc: PA
Thanks. I live in a pretty small redneck town, but I will look into what is available. All I've really done so far is talk through things with my girlfriend, and I found another bar to go to. I can't take seeing that woman again. When I did all sorts of very negative feelings happened, including a very strong urge to strangle her. I kept control of myself and just removed myself from the situation.

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